I am so homesick, but it ain't that bad, 'cause I'm homesick for the home I never had

For the first time in my life, I'm spending Christmas away from my family. I have to admit, it's a little depressing even though I should be grateful that I've been fortunate enough to go 32 years before experiencing it for the first time. I would say I'm homesick, but I'm not sure that term really applies. I miss people, and I miss places, but at different times and in different ways. Right now I'm missing people.

My parents have lived a somewhat nomadic life. They've moved something like 33 times since they've been married. They've moved twice since I graduated from high school. As a result, I don't really have a home town, and since I never lived in the house they're in now, it doesn't really feel like home either. After all, it's not like I ever had a room there or anything. Not to mention the fact that I don't really know anyone who lives there besides my family (well, there are a few people I went to high school with there, but I don't go visit them because we're not as cose as we once were). Don't get me wrong, I like to visit, but that's because my family's there, not because I feel like I'm going home. In fact, when people ask me if I'm going home for various holidays I usually respond with, "I'm going to my parents' house." It's a subtle distinction, but it's more correct.

For the most part, I grew up in a small town in southern Utah (after spending years 1-6 in western Montana). When I was in high school we moved to an even smaller town in northeastern Utah (the very northeastern corner to be exact). Driving through these towns almost always brings back a flood of memories on the rare occasions that I do it, but they don't feel like home because the people are missing.

Last month, when my daughter got shot in the eye, I drove to Salt Lake City, and as I pulled into town got the feeling that I was home. The funny thing about that is I've never lived in Salt Lake City. However, my kids live there now, as does my best friend from high school. I always have a place to stay. I can always spend time with someone who is near and dear to me when I'm there. I wish I could do that this week.

Luckily, I've got some friends here in town that are taking care of me this Christmas. Without them, I think I'd be getting really depressed.