Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Middle school was enough for me, all I need to know how to do is count money

In honor of the new semester I'm giving you a pop quiz. There are two questions, one dealing with etiquette, and one dealing with proper parenting. Good luck!

1. True or False. When you're at lunch and the manager brings you your food and asks "How about some strawberries with your spinach veggie wrap?" The correct response is, "How about you shut the hell up and get your ass out of here?"

2. True or False. When you have your two year old child at the deli, and he's playing with the sign that has your order number on it so that the employees can bring your food to your table, an appropriate thing to say to your son is, "If you hit me in the face with that number I will punch you in your little baby balls."

9 comments:

Michelle said...

Oh my god, are these some things you were witness to? How funny!

Anonymous said...

To #1.
False
You say, "Who made you the food monitor?"

To #2.
I am completely speechless on that one.

Anonymous said...

#2 reminds me of an article I read yesterday on Chud.com. The author is discussing the Academy Award nominations for Best picture and had this to say: "...Little Miss Sunshine is decent at best. If it wins, I might punch that ugly little girl in the panties." Terrible, absolutely terrible. BTW, I like the revised about me section and your rant in the other post.

PsychDoctor said...

1. False...people who eat spinach veggie wraps aren't supposed to be rude too...

2. Wow...I think this one is false too...

flieswithoutwings said...

1. False. If you offend the staff they will grab your spinach from the E. Coli bin.

2. False, unless you are going for empty threats the dynamics are all wrong: If the baby can manage to strike at an adult head-level he deserves a reward. Usually it's the toddler who goes for the balls.

And for an adult to strike at baby balls, it's just a low-to-the-ground small target. If a smack upside the head won't suffice then just gouge his little eyes out.

Anonymous said...

1. True.

2. Partly True. say "I will kick you squah in your li'l baby nuts." You gotta stay classy, and culturally relevant.

Anonymous said...

hey nobody said I would be submitted to tests here and I don't like it one bit. okay?

Anonymous said...

#1- False. He was obviously hitting on you (or whoever). The proper reply: "I don't think your berries will fit in my wrap"

#2- True. Its never too early to prepare your son for a life filled with emasculation.

Native Minnow said...

Ok, these are trick questions in a way because I'm sure that nobody was factoring in the weirdness factor of Vegas. They're both true, but I'll give full credit to anyone who tried. All the rest of you fail.