How to upgrade your bedroom in 31 easy steps. (Yes, I'm shamelessly ripping this idea off from Dan over at [Redacted]. So what?)
1. Buy a new set of bedroom furniture from somebody on Craig's List who has had a run of bad luck.
2. Assemble the new "Big Boy" bed in your room.
3. Come to the realization that the new bed is about the only thing that you're going to be able to fit in your room.
4. Store the dressers along the side of the garage for use later in life.
5. Set about getting new blankets, sheets, etc. for the new bed that fills up your entire bedroom. (This is a must if you've just upgraded from a twin to a queen sized bed.)
6. Start off with only a vague idea of what you're looking for.
7. Go to stores that carry such things as sheets and comforters.
8. When sales people approach you to see if they can help you find something, tell them that you'll know it when you see it.
9. Go to eight different stores and not find anything you like.
10. Resort to shopping online.
11. Go to several more stores' web sites.
12. Realize that the people who design comforters do not design them with men in mind. (Presumably because most men could care less about such things, but still, why does everything in the store have to look like it was designed for an eighty year old woman?)
13. Find a bed set that isn't quite what you pictured, but is on sale, and doesn't look too bad, thus making it the best option you've seen so far.
14. Look to see if it's in stock at a store near you.
15. Once you find out that it is in stock, close your web browser and drive to the store.
16. Locate the bed set you saw online.
17. Feel it to make sure it's not made of sandpaper.
18. Look around at all the other options at the store, realize again that all comforters are made for little old ladies, then settle on the one that you initially found online.
19. Make several girls you know look at it (either in a bag in the trunk of your car, or just at the picture online) so you can be sure that it won't make it look like you're gay when someone else sees it on your bed.
20. Once the girls have assured you that it doesn't look gay, wash everything and put it on the bed.
21. Go back to the store where you made the purchase so that you can get the oversized European sham stuffers that you held off on buying initially because you weren't 100% sold on the bed set you bought.
22. Tell yourself that even though you're going to buy oversized European sham stuffers, that doesn't necessarily make you gay.
23. Grab two oversized European sham stuffers off the shelf.
24. On your way to the front of the store notice a bed set out of the corner of your eye.
25. Turn and look at the bed set and realize that it's almost exactly what you had in mind when you started looking for this stuff in the first place.
26. Realize that you can't exchange the one you bought two days ago because you've already washed it and slept in it.
27. Sulk.
28. Understand that there's nothing you can do about it other than spend $150 on a bed set you don't need and proceed to the checkout line to purchase your oversized European sham stuffers.
29. Again, tell yourself that doesn't make you gay.
30. Stuff the oversized European shams.
31. Once all the shams, pillows and throws are arranged on your "Big Boy" bed, commence writing an application form for ladies that want to help you break in your new bed to fill out.
8 comments:
So I'm guessing European sham stuffers are gay...
(never heard of them... so does that makes me super-duper straight? Or just unbelievably un-girly?)
You can't post a picture of it?
Step 27 = win.
Stop sulking. The one you wanted looks like a brothel.
nooooooooo
I would take it back, even if I had washed it. If you would like, I will come down and exchange it for you. Trust me (and you can verify this with your brother) I will take back ANYTHING. :) And nobody dares to tell me no.
U R gay. You should have bought your bedding here.
This is a great detailed list of events. I'm sorry you found the one you wanted after it was too late. So goes life sometimes. And we need to see a picture.
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