Native Minnow's Dating Advice (Part Deux)
When you're with a man you should never . . .
. . .
. . . play with the obese man on the train's* boobs.
. . . wax your ass.
. . . remove stains from your unmentionables.
. . . pumice your callouses.
. . . get liposuction.
. . . watch porn of your ex-boyfriend.
. . . punch your baby.
. . . talk about the restraining order you had to get for your ex.
. . . brandish a knife.
. . . cut on yourself.
. . . attempt to murder someone.
. . . consume afterbirth.
. . . insert yogurt filled tampons to get rid of your yeast infection.
. . . freeze off your genital warts.
. . . whip your dick out.
*Or on the bus.
12 comments:
What's so wrong about brandishing a knife? I say as long as it's not a... what was that thing used in Misery? A mallet?
(I kid)
And that yogurt thing...
I think I may be a little traumatized about that one. I curse the day I read that. TMI, even for me.
Gee no wonder I've never had a decent relationship. Who knew all the things I've been doing wrong all these years. Thanks for the timely advice Minnow.
...but if you murder someone with your lover, doesn't that automatically bring you closer? I mean, he's now your accomplice whether he likes it or not.
nice.......
Obviously you had NO input from a woman WHATSOEVER.............
the consuming afterbirth and yogurt tampons? made me throw-up just a little.
nicely done.
ruh-roh.
I'm on the list.
What is your take on women farting when out with a man? I mean, is it okay if she don't shit her pants? What if she farts and you can't hear it but can smell it? How about a mushy fart?
You forgot a few:
... smoke meth
... talk about the last time you were using meth.
...clean your dentures (because your teeth fell out from using meth.)
...talk about your vagina
...make fun of the guy because you DID whip out your dick, and it is bigger than his
...dig the fungus out from under your nails
I am sure there are more, but those are the only ones I have personally witnessed. They didn't work too well for them... and as for seeing them, I DID work in a correctional setting.
Ramble on at length about an ex or several exes regardless of whether restraining orders were involved.
Upon finally noticing that new man does not and will never have any interest in hearing about ex or exes, go immediately to Stupid Plan B:
"So, tell me about your ex and exes."
This is a brutal list, especially those last two. Ha. But I'm glad you crossed off the first one because that can only get you ahead of the field.
What about us hermaphrodites? How do you expect us to have a successful relationship if we have no "Native Minnow" tips???
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