Wednesday, May 28, 2008

I was the expert then at taking off her clothes

Last night I was talking with a friend whose best friend just had a baby. I asked her how her friend was doing, and she told me that she was doing much better now that a few more days had passed.

She also told me that her friend had some difficulties being able to breastfeed at first, but that with my friend's help, she'd been able to produce enough to feed her son.

I asked what she meant by "with her help" and she said that she had to massage her friends breasts for about an hour to get the milk to come in. She said it was a little awkward when her friend's husband walked in the room to see what they were up to. Her response was, "Oh, I'm just playing with your girl's boobs."

What I want to know is, where can I sign up for that position? I sense a career change in my future if I ever get an answer to that question.

9 comments:

~Kris said...

I would never let my friend rub my boobs. I would resort to formula first.
That is so weird. Why couldn't she rub her own boobs? :)
That is so hilarious.

flieswithoutwings said...

You could have official RWNA business cards:


Native Minnow, Registered Wet-Nurse's Assistant.

steph said...

i was with my best friend when she had her baby and for the aftermath of the breastfeeding and if there is anything that is NOT hot, that would be it. suddenly, all sexuality of the boobs goes away.

it is weird.

Karen said...

I love my friends but there is no way I would want to do that. Of course I understand why you would have no such problem.

Anonymous said...

honey, you have those babies and you can start being a masseuse. It's a pretty tough trade off.

Anonymous said...

weird. i dont think i'd ever want to be on the offering or receiving end of that transaction.

my advice: just start going up to random women with newborns and offer to massage their hoo-has. you never know who'll say yes! :)

Anonymous said...

whoops...the notorious double post. my face is red.

Anonymous said...

nor can i count. but hey, at least you had that brief moment of seeing tons of comments and feeling popular before realizing that about half were from me!

Native Minnow said...

Kris, I don't think it was as gentle as I made it sound. She said that her friend had bruises by the time she was finished. I'd probably have resorted to formula first too, but that's mostly because I'm afraid of pain, even though I think I have a relatively high pain threshold.

Flieswithoutwings, that's not a bad idea. I could start hanging out in maternity wards of hospitals and handing them out.

Steph, how dare you suggest that anything could take away the sexual aspect of boobs?

Gypsy, of course it would be my discretion as to who could receive my services and who could not. Hot moms only.

Lady Luck, if you put it that way, I'll reconsider. There's nothing in this world that could make me willing to go through the pain of childbirth. My dad always said that's why women are the ones who do. If it were up to the men, the most children any family would ever have would be one.

Ver Girl, I don't know enough new mothers to be able to do that. Again, maybe I need to start hanging out in maternity wards (or in OB/GYN waiting rooms). By the way, speaking of randomly approaching strangers, did you rub a strange fat man's belly for me yet? (And, I fixed your triple post, so now your follow up comments just make you look crazy - muahahahaha).