Me: [Friend 1] and I are checking out the new [Irish Pub] if you're interested in joining us tonight.
Friend 2: Thank you for the invitation but I'm working until 4 a.m. You get stuck with these shifts once in a while.
Me: [Friend 1] wants to know if you've got any hook-ups. You know, like an eight ball or something.
Friend 2: Ha! I can hook you up with clubs, not drugs.
Me: He says to work some magic.
Friend 2: Drive up and down Trop . . . Oh no, wait, that's for hookers. Hit up a limo or taxi driver. They've got the goods.
Me: I'm sure they do. I wouldn't know what to do with any of that stuff anyway. Neither would [Friend 1]
Friend 2: Duh! You put it in your ass.
Me: I think you're mistaking me for your ex-girlfriend.