I'm not gonna get you a diamond ring, that sort of gift don't mean anything

Girl: Merry Christmas!!

Me: Thanks. You too. Did you get a dick in a box?

Girl: No Santa didn't get me one :(

Me: Boo. I heard that's what all the girls wanted this year.

Girl: Yeah, I must've been on the naughty list

Me: Or not naughty enough. I'd offer mine, but wouldn't want to cockblock everyone else who's dying to be your first*

Girl: Hahahaha yeah





*I don't count myself in that category. I subscribe to the view of Vincent Chase in Entourage: I don't want to be anyone's first, and I don't want to be anyone's last.