Wednesday, February 04, 2009

And if you see Johnny football hero in the hall, tell him he played a great game

While driving to Salt Lake City on Saturday I talked to Epitome-of-Sweetness on the phone. She asked who I wanted to win the Superbowl and said she was rooting for the Cardinals. I said I didn't really care who won. I don't like either team, but when it all comes down to it, I'd rather see the team who hasn't had a lot of success through the years. That tipped the scale in favor of the Cardinals*.

She said she wanted the Cardinals to win because she really liked Kurt Warner.

I said he'd be a reason for me to want the Cardinals to lose.

She was shocked. How could I not like a guy who has done so many good things? After all, he married a woman who had disabled kids. He used to bag groceries. He does charity work for disabled kids. You've heard all the stories. That's exactly why I'm sick of him. I don't care if he helps raise money to help disabled kids. He does it for self-serving reasons. Do you think he'd be actively doing that if he didn't have disabled kids of his own? I doubt it. I hate hearing about him. I especially hate hearing from him. Did you know that God helped Kurt and his team beat the Eagles in the NFC championship game? It's true! Kurt Warner said so.

I hate hearing athletes talk about God. I have news for them. You play a game. For a living. You get paid more than anybody probably should be paid to play a game. I get that. I'd do the same thing if I had the ability, but still, it's a game. God doesn't care whether you win or lose. In fact, if I had to wager on it, God would probably be pissed off that you play it on Sundays. That's not exactly keeping the Sabbath day holy as He commanded in The Bible, is it Mr. Warner?

What does God do when there are people who believe in him on both teams? Does He push the most faithful team to victory? Oh, that's right. He doesn't do anything. The outcome depends on talent, making good plays, and catching a few lucky bounces throughout the game. To presume otherwise is sheer arrogance. We won because God likes us better? The following quote by Jeff Stilson comes to mind:

" I'm trying to wean myself off sports, it's too time consuming. I don't watch football anymore, I gave that up. I got tired of the interviews after the games, because the winning players always give credit to God, and the losers blame themselves. You know, just once I'd like to hear a player say, 'Yeah, we were in the game—until Jesus made me fumble. He hates our team.'"

It's the same type of thinking for people who survive a tragedy to believe they're meant to do something special in life because God spared them. So isn't that about the same as saying that the people who died did because they were somehow unworthy? Seems that way to me. People need to get over themselves.

Epitome-of-Sweetness seemed taken aback by my rant. She said that maybe I was the Anti-Christ. She said that at her old job people always said that about her, but she was thinking it applied more to me. Then she gave me a quote that I'll adopt as my own personal slogan: I'm not anti-Christ, I'm just anti-stupid-people.

*It wasn't meant to be. Maybe God doesn't like Kurt Warner as much as Kurt Warner would like to think. The end of the game was fairly entertaining, which is about all I'd hoped for.


Delirious said...

Actually, I agree with you. I mean, there were always those jokes...maybe you have heard this one. (I cant' remember the details, so I'm adlibbing here)

The University of Nebraska was set to play the University of Texas. Their head coach gathered all of the team members together in the locker room and asked that they have a prayer to ask God to bless them to win.
They fought a tough game, but in the end, Texas won the game. The Nebraska coach gathered his team around him in the locker room and suggested they say one more prayer and ask God why He didnt' help them win. As the last Amen was said, a deep voice from heaven rang out, "Hook em horns!" :)

You are so right...does God only bless the team who prayed the most, or had the most faith? And what if they play on Sunday? It's almost like a person about to eat marijuana brownies who stops to say a blessing on them.

Dee Ice Hole said...

Would have been good if the Cards would have won---In fact with 2:45 left it looked like they had won---best Super Bowl since the hail Mary from Staubach. AND I didn't go to sleep.

Anonymous said...

'Yeah, we were in the game—until Jesus made me fumble. He hates our team.'
Jesus seems kinda mad at BYU. I think someone drank coffee. said...

I am also anti stupid people. I stopped believing in Jesus about the same time I realized that santa was a fictional character. So I guess jesus doesn't make me fumble- I'm just freaking klutzy.

Anonymous said...

I love it when you get all bent out of are usually so laid back and chilled.

I hate it when actors and singers etc get up to accept an award and thank God first and foremost. Hello...I didn't see God's name on the selection panel. God had nothing to do with it and if truth be told he probably doesn't even like your work.

silentkid said...

Amen, Minnow. A-fucking-men. If god exists, I'd hope he's not so petty as to care who completes a pass or where I misplaced my keys. If he is that lame, send me to hell, where at least the devil plays a mean guitar.

Michael said...

I'm always entertained when MMA fighters thank God just after beating someone within inches of their life.

Epitome of Sweetness said...

Sometimes I get on these little rants myself. I was actually talking about one of the lessons they gave the young girls about a piece of gum...anyway, you unwrap it, pass it around...yadda yadda and the very last person has it, and they say, "Would you ever want that piece of gum?" Referring to chastity.
I was saying that I didn't think that was a good lesson, because then if a girl has messed up, she thinks nobody decent want her...
The guy in the bishopric agreed with me, and the other guy said I must be the anti-Christ.
It was a weird conversation. It kind of pissed me off.
But really, I think I'm right.
(as always)
I'm just anti-stupid people too.