Mr M: Dad, would you rather be a zombie or a human?
Me: Hmmm. Probably a zombie.
Mr M: Why a zombie?
Me: Because then the only thing I'd feel would be a craving for brains.
Tortellini: Yeah, but it would be an overwhelming feeling.
Me: It would. But it couldn't be worse than longing for a human's touch.
Tortellini: Ew. Perv.
Mr M: He's a pedophile*.
Nothing says happy holidays quite like being called a perv and a pedophile by one's own children.
*I hope he doesn't know what that word really means.