When I said alone, you know, I'll be right by your side

Brother: Are you going to the Christmas party with me?

Me: Wasn't planning on it.

Brother: You should. That soccer lady was asking about you the other day.

Me: Isn't she married?

Brother: Yeah.

Me: Well, that doesn't do me any good.

Brother: It could. She might have some hot, single friends. She said you were hot.

Me: I'm sure she did.

Brother: Well, maybe not in those exact words, but she did say you looked just like me, so I can only assume that's what she meant.

Freaker right by the speaker

Yesterday I spoke to my brother, Dr. Psycho, on the phone:

Him: I just bought myself some roller blades.
Me: You did?
Him: Yeah.
Me: You know what the hardest thing about roller blading is, don’t you?
Him: Nothing.
Me: No, it’s telling your parents* you’re gay.
Him: Whatever. There's a nice little path by my house where I can go.
Me: See? It's true. If you roller blade, you're gay.
Him: Screw you . . . You're a freak.






*Mom, Dad, I'm sorry you had to find out about him this way.