A couple weeks ago I had lunch with a girl I've been interested in for a while. On the way there we were passed by a Corvette.
Her: [Minnow], I want a Corvette.
Me: Why? You're not white trash, and it's not like you have a small penis, do you?
Her: I certainly hope not.
When we got to the restaurant there were two yellow Corvettes in the parking lot.
Her: Look, two more.
Me: They must be having a small penis convention.
The hostess seated us next to a window and about halfway through our meal I saw a guy walking from the restaurant toward one of the Corvettes. Not being one to let a joke die (even when I should because it's no longer funny), I felt the need to say something.
Me: Want to see what a guy with a small penis looks like? Look!
Her: That's mean.
Me: But funny.
Her: True.
[slight pause]
Her: Do you have a big penis [Minnow]?
Me: You've seen what I drive.
Her: I'm serious.
Me: I don't know. I've never compared it with anyone.
Her: You never had light-saber fights when you were a kid?
Me: No.
Her: Ok, but you still haven't answered my question.
Me: Well, the only thing I can tell you is that I've never had any complaints.
Her: Is that before or after a break up?
Me: Both. If you want I can call my ex and you could ask her.
Her: That's ok.
Now, obviously I didn't know how to respond to being asked such a personal question point blank. I don't even know if it's possible to answer that question properly. Here's how I envision a few different scenarios:
Scenario 1
"Do you have a big penis?"
"Yes."
What she thinks: Liar!
Scenario 2
"Do you have a big penis?"
"No."
What she thinks: Well, that's the last time I'll ever talk to this guy.
Scenario 3
"Do you have a big penis?"
"You've seen what I drive."
What she thinks: He doesn't want to admit that it's small.
Scenario 4
"Do you have a big penis?"
"I've never had any complaints."
What she thinks: He's conceited because his exes were all too nice to complain about it and give him a complex.
Scenario 5
"Do you have a big penis?"
"You could call my ex and ask her."
What she thinks: He's still hung up on her.
Scenario 6
"Do you have a big penis?"
"Come here and I'll show you." or "There's one way you could find out."
What she thinks: Creep!
Feel free to let me know the proper way to answer if there is one. If there isn't, feel free to come up with other scenarios and what a girl would think.
5 comments:
It's a good sign that a girl you're interested in is asking questions like that, right? Maybe UNDER-exagerate things so she'll assume it's bigger than what you say.
Here's a good line from the Bloodhound Gang:
I'm known as Polaroid cause I'm done in sixty seconds and you'll still want it enlarged
I liked how you answered,
"youve seen what I drive."
But it would have been funnier if you would have said, "Well, obviously I don't have a corvette, so..."
Take measurements: Limp, semi-erect, erect (length/circumferance) and tattoo them on your shoulder with life-size representations...Then you could just lift up your sleeve and voila!!! :)
For future reference, I would prefer not to get phone calls about the size of your penis. ;)
- An ex-girlfriend
No words necessary. Just drop trou.
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