Monday, January 07, 2008

Babe we both had dry spells, hard times in bad lands, I'm a good man for ya', I'm a good man

Las Vegas has an event called First Friday where artists display their work to the public on the first Friday of every month. Last week I was invited to go with some friends, but declined because I didn't think I'd be up to walking around in a crowd. One of the people that did go was telling me a little about last week's experience. He really liked it (it was his first time going) and even bought some prints. He mentioned that he saw a lot of original paintings that were several hundred dollars apiece.

Somehow, we got talking about our trip to Sedona, and I brought up the price of a bronze statue we had seen there. It was really cool. It also cost somewhere in the neighborhood of $45,000.

Me: Well, it was cool and all, but I wouldn't buy something like that. Especially for that price. Even if I had the money. I'm not exactly a statue-in-the-yard type of guy.

Friend: What type of guy are you, exactly?

I gave him some answers, some of which are repeated below along with some others I came up with for you to read. You know, In case you're wondering the same thing.

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I'm a bites-his-fingernails-when-they-get-too-long-or-uneven-or-when-he's-nervous type of guy.

I'm a hey-everybody-listen-to-this-awesome-music-and-like-it type of guy.

I'm a misses-living-in-an-area-where-it-snows-until-he-hears-stories-about-his-parents-driving-through-storms-and-passing-thirty-plus-accidents-on-the-icy-roads type of guy.

I'm a too-chicken-to-make-the-first-move-on-a-girl-unless-there-is-good-indication-that-such-a-move-would-not-be-rejected type of guy.

I'm a hurry-up-and-open-a-manuscript-draft-when-he-hears-his-advisor-coming-down-the-hall-so-that-it-looks-like-he's-been-working-instead-of-blogging-IMing-or-wasting-time-on-myspace-in-case-his-advisor-pokes-his-head-in-to-see-how-things-are-going type of guy.

I'm a washes-hands-immediately-after-touching-an-animal type of guy.

I'm a trims-his-nails-with-the-scissors-on-his-Swiss-army-knife type of guy.

I'm a turn-his-cell-phone-off-at-night-in-order-to-save-the-battery-and-not-be-woken-up-by-a-call-in-the-middle-of-the-night type of guy.

I'm a willing-to-drop-an-F-bomb-in-order-to-make-a-joke-funnier type of guy.

I'm an eats-Hershey's-kisses-when-he-takes-percocet type of guy.

I'm a likes-to-take-pictures-but-never-prints-them-up-and-frames-them type of guy.

I'm a would-rather-drive-eight-hours-to-Lake-Tahoe-to-play-in-the-snow-than-drive-an-hour-to-Mt.-Charleston-to-do-the-same-thing type of guy.

I'm a could-be-a-great-cook-if-he-wanted-to-but-instead-only-uses-his-kitchen-skills-to-make-desserts type of guy.

I'm a not-afraid-of-heights-but-is-scared-of-snakes type of guy.

I'm an I-don't-drink-but-will-hang-out-with-and-act-just-as-drunk-as-you-while-you're-drinking-short-of-vomiting*-or-sleeping-with-an-ugly-chick type of guy.

I'm a recycle-every-scrap-of-paper-yet-enjoys-shooting-glass-ornaments-in-the-desert-with-his-dad's-rifle type of guy.

I'm a when-simultaneously-hit-with-a-case-of-diarrhea-and-vomit-will-always-choose-to-crap-in-the-toilet-and-puke-on-the-floor-rather-than-puke-in-the-toilet-and-crap-on-the-floor-because-vomit-is-more-appealing-to-clean-up-than-crap** type of guy***.

I'm a thinks-he's-funny-even-if-nobody-else-seems-to-agree type of guy.





*Unless, of course, we are playing a drinking game and I have to eat a bite of chocolate every time I would normally have to take a drink, in which case all bets are off, and I will vomit multiple times throughout the night. I still won't sleep with an ugly chick though.

**No matter how runny it is.

***Unlike some people I know.

15 comments:

Kris said...

Puke in a trash bag or the garbage can, but do NOT puke or crap on the floor.

Anonymous said...

Wait. You're a guy?!

deputymomof6 said...

I agree, puke in the trash.... I would not want to clean up, or even see on the floor, either one!!

Shannon said...

I missed the annual ornament shooting this year. Did they even do it? You would think my in-laws (who are real rednecks j/k) would pick up a tradition like that. :)

Dee Ice Hole said...

Unfortunately the Christmas tradition of shooting the Christmas glass balls with the rifle was broken this year---only a few of us here and some of those would rather sleep than shoot--so your red-necked dad didn't do his thing this year---but I still have the Christmas balls (twice as many now) if you guys ever decide to come here and want to shoot them!!!!!

Dee Ice Hole said...

Woops---I forgot---what ever happened to your training from childhood???? You use a puke bucket---don't ever forget that.

elbee said...

Hmmm, you are one of the best people to ask about Sedona, so I'm going to ask you.

I'm driving down to Phoenix on Friday and staying in Sedona Saturday/Sunday. What's a nice trail to go hiking at? Nothing too exhausting, but maybe something nice and scenic. Or something.

upset waitress said...

I no longer care about what you write. I'm shallow like that. You are HOT! Got any more pics of yourself? :)

Ryan said...

I've just learned a new game for next Christmas. We've shot at everything else in the house (even me), why not the Christmas ornaments?

I can't believe we haven't done that.

I'm a
Jesus-I-hate-puking
sort of guy. It doesn't matter where.

Gypsy said...

What's wrong with ugly women? I could say something vulgar like "you don't look at the mantlepiece when you're stoking the fire" but I won't....:)

Gypsy said...

PS Love the labels to this post.

Native Minnow said...

Maybe this could be cleared up in a future post, but the choice between puking or crapping in the toilet was first posed by a comedian (I forget who), but applies to a situation a friend of mine found himself in when he was visiting his girlfriend's family about a year ago. And for the record, I hate puking too.

The annual ornament shooting has just been postponed, not cancelled. I fully intend to do it the next time I can make it to my parents' house.

Waitress, of course I have more pics of myself, but am hesitant to post them on here too regularly. I almost did today, and I almost did it in the pictorial review of '07, but changed my mind and took them out in the end. I do, however, think there are a few in the archives if you feel like digging around some.

Gypsy, As for ugly women, I think the adjective says it all ;-)

upset waitress said...

Jeese, I have to work for the pics? I thought you were easier then that. Pffft. :)





I will make it my hobby to find hot pics of you. The one of you in the rear view looked like Tim Robbins!!! And he makes me love myself a lot.

ver girl said...

I'm a hey-everybody-listen-to-this-awesome-music-and-like-it type of guy, too. Except I'm a girl.

And you will like all my music.

Dee Ice Hole said...

RYAN---there is nothing like seeing a glass Christmas ball explode at 100 yards off the backboard---they go on sale after every Christmas for $0.50 for 20 in the major chain stores---pretty cheap targets and a ball to shoot down.