I think the thing you said was true, I'm gonna' die alone and sad

I might be a little biased here, but I think this might be the greatest story ever told:

I'm sexy and I know it

A few days ago I went with Togers and some friends to an antique store. While we there I saw a really big mirror with an asking price of $400. As I stood there looking at the mirror, trying to puzzle out what was so special about it, Togers and one of my friends walked up.

Me: Look at that mirror. It's amazing!

Togers: What's so amazing about it?

Me (gesturing toward my reflection): Can't you see how handsome it is?

Later on I was telling another friend about how proud I was of my joke. Then I had to add this to the end of the story:

Me: [Togers] didn't get it at first. Probably because he's dumb.

Togers: I'm not dumb. I'm not the one that thought that was handsome.

Got a spy glass a pencil and some paper

Last week I found a note under my windshield wiper that read: [Minnow], I'm watching you. Marry me?

This week I found this "note":



Next week will probably end up with me being chloroformed and tied up in an attic* somewhere.

I might be okay with that.






*Houses in Vegas don't have basements.

She thinks she's the passionate one

Last night there was a bachelorette party at the table next to us at the bar. They were playing some sort of dice game where they needed to do certain things with certain types of people. A half hour or so after they started I heard someone call out to me.

"Are you tall?"

"Yeah, I'm tall."

"Good. Can you come here for a second?"

Then the bachelorette grabbed my hand and started singing to me: "I don't want anybody else, when I think about you I touch myself*."

Apparently the dice told her she needed to sing to a tall guy. I was happy to offer my services.

About an hour later, she walked back over to the table.

"I need a tall guy again. You're my trusty tall guy. You're the one I can sing to. Can you help me again?"

"Sure, no problem."

"Now I'm supposed to do a shot with a tall guy. Will you do a shot with me?"

"Uh, okay."

"What do you want?"

"I don't know. Just get whatever you want. I don't drink."

"You don't drink? What do you mean you don't drink?"

"I mean I don't drink. I've only done a shot once. Twice if you count sake. This will be the third shot I've ever taken in my life."

"We're going to do a Jager Bomb."

So I did a Jager bomb** with her. Who am I do deny a dying*** woman her last wish?

My friend is convinced that I could've made out with her last night. Looking at some pictures that another friend texted me of the event, I think he might be right. She was hanging on me for a little while afterward, posing for pictures and whatnot. I didn't make out with her though. I only gave her a kiss on the cheek.

I'm classy, yo.








*Remember Divinyls?

**It was terrible - don't worry, I'm not going to start drinking.

***Dying, getting married, same diff.

'Cause darlin' you're a whiskey kisser and it's gettin' to me

I have a friend who is going through a break up, and is a little nervous about being back "on the market" after being in a relationship for so long. Looking for some reassurance that things would be okay, she asked me if I thought she was pretty enough to have guys "take a second look."

I told her she was.

She apologized for asking such a vain question, but thanked me for my "candid" answer.

Her: I know that sounds so stupid, but I was just wondering.

Me: I don't think it's stupid at all.

Her: Well, who asks "Hey, am I hot?"

Me: Sometimes I wonder the same thing. I think most people do.

Her: You are super cute. AND you are a doctor!!! You are a catch.

Me: Well thank you. You'd think so.

Her: Yes, I think so. AND you won't get whiskey dick*. That is important. You could put that on a business card.

Me: Maybe I will.








*An added benefit to my not drinking.

And I get lonely, but I ain't that lonely yet

I got a spam email the other day from a "woman" who is apparently looking for love:

Hello
How are you today? I hope you are fine.My name is Anna Luck,26 years I am single girl looking for honest and nice person. Somebody who i can partner with .I don't care about your colour or ethnicity.I would like to know you more,most especially what you like and what you dislike.I'm sending you this beautiful mail, with a wish for much happiness.I am looking forward to hear from you,
Love from,
Anna

I'm going to go ahead and not reply, and she's going to have to continue "looking forward to hear" from me.

Even though you know what you know I know that I'm ready to leave

From: [Fall '08 Student]
To: [Native Minnow]
Subject: I passed

Hey [Minnow] just wanted to let you know that you will not be seeing me in
[class] again next semester because I passed. Be it only with a C but I
passed. Guess I didn't need to buy you dinner after all. :)

[Fall '08 Student]

--------------------------------------------------------------

From: [Native Minnow]
To: [Fall '08 Student]
Subject: Re: I passed

I knew you'd pull it off. Congrats!

[Minnow]

--------------------------------------------------------------

From: [Fall '08 Student]
To: [Native Minnow]
Subject: Re: I passed

Thanks [Minnow]....... and you really were the best TA I have had in my 3 years [here] and the cutest :) even though I loved to give you a hard time during class. :)

[Fall '08 Student]








Yup. I've still got it.

'Cause tonight baby I wanna get freaky with you

It's opening week for our men's basketball team, and I've been able to attend three of the four home games they've played. Students get in free, and I normally print my ticket beforehand, but yesterday the free ticket option didn't show up in my online account, so I figured I'd just let them scan my card at the gate as they've done in the past.

At the foot of the stairs below the student entrance there were some ladies who were frisking people. I find the whole routine rather ridiculous, because it still wouldn't be that hard to sneak something in, so I was thinking "Here we go again," and must have been smiling to myself as I approached. The woman looked at me and said, "Step on up here. You know you're going to enjoy this." Then she frisked me. She was more thorough than most, and when she finished she said, "You could go ahead and stand here all night."

I laughed and headed up the stairs.

However, when I gave the ticket lady my card she said, "Oh. I'm sorry, but you have to go downstairs and get a ticket first. I can't scan this anymore. And just so you know, that's how it'll be for all the games so you'll want to make sure you get a ticket beforehand from here on out."

I'm guessing this new policy has to do with some of the recurring problems they had last season where the card reader wouldn't recognize a lot of graduate students as full time. Not a big deal. I went downstairs, got my ticket, and ended up going back through the same woman to be frisked again. She gave me a puzzled look so I said, "I liked it so much the first time, I thought I'd come back for more."

I could still hear her laughing when I was at the top of the stairs.

I asked a toothless man who all these people were

Yesterday I went to the dentist for the first time in six years. I decided that it's time to quit putting it off - anything that needed to be fixed was only going to get more expensive the longer I waited. With the amount of sugar I consume, I was expecting to need about ten cavities filled, so imagine my surprise when I didn't have a single one. That's right, six sugar filled years, and not one cavity. My teeth rock, even if they are crooked.

I still need to get some other work done, and it could get expensive since I don't have insurance, but I won't go into all that here.

What I will get into here is that I knew the dentist's son. I taught him in two classes a few years ago, and even wrote him a letter of recommendation for dental school. He got interviews, but the last time I talked to him he'd had to skip them because his mother died unexpectedly. I told him that I was sure they'd let him reschedule, and heard through common acquaintances that he'd started dental school somewhere, but never knew where.

So, after my exam, I told the guy that I knew his son. He got really excited and started telling me all about what he was doing now. While we talked, his receptionist was taking care of another patient, but she asked me how I knew the guy's son. I told her that I'd been his instructor for one class and TA for another, and the woman that she'd been helping before me leaned over to mutter something to the receptionist.

Since I was standing four feet away, I heard it all.

"Why couldn't my teachers have looked like him when I was in college? I never would've missed a class. I'd have been there every day, sitting in the front row. When he'd call [My Name] during roll call, I'd have put my hand in the air and said 'mmm mmm right here'."

Just had to throw that out there because it's been a while since I last offered proof that I am sexy.

Hey daddy ho daddy hey daddy hi hey daddy ho daddy never will die

Me: Believe it or not, I used to have a really good tan.

Friend: Why? What was different then?

Me: Well, I worked outside all summer, but even with sun block I got really dark. I looked like I was Native American.

Friend: Because of the tan?

Me: That and I wore a feathered headdress, a loin cloth, and rode an Appaloosa everywhere I went.

Although we often wondered, it was no thing of wonder

Nothing offsets the feeling of getting old quite like walking into a room first thing in the morning and having a young twenty-something year old girl say, "Wow, you have really nice calves!"

I'm just sayin'.

Ego tripping at the gates of Hell

It's TA evaluation time again. Actually, it was TA evaluation time about a month ago, but I just got mine back, and you know what that means: I'm sharing my favorites with you. But don't get your hopes up too high, all in all, it was a pretty boring bunch. Sure, there were plenty of people who said they liked me, that I was nice, funny, yada yada yada, but there are really only two that are worthy of sharing. The first because it's hilarious. The second because it boosted my ego.

Evaluation 1: (just the hilarious response)
What was your favorite exercise? Why?
Pig Dissection - More hand job* (I could actually see organs).


Evaluation 2: (minus the questions that were left blank)
What was your favorite lab exercise? Why?
I liked the dissections.

Which lab experience was most informative and educational for you?
Cutting things up.

What was your least favorite lab exercise? Why?
I liked all labs cuz I could come see my lab TA.

What is the major weakness of the [biology] lab?
The quizzes & my lab TA he was HOT** and made me buckle @ my knees.

What is the major strength of the [biology] lab?
Everything

In general, how would you rate your lab instructor as a teacher?
I love you [Minnow]!!

What were his/her strong points?
Everything about [Minnow] was great!!

How could he/she improve?
He was wonderful.





*I'm pretty sure they didn't really mean to write what they did. I assure you there are no hand jobs given or received in any of my labs.

**For a limited time only*** I'm giving in to peer pressure and am posting a few pics of myself. This way you can judge for yourself (but mostly I just want to see if the waitress will continue stroking my ego).

***Sorry, time's up.

Babe we both had dry spells, hard times in bad lands, I'm a good man for ya', I'm a good man

Las Vegas has an event called First Friday where artists display their work to the public on the first Friday of every month. Last week I was invited to go with some friends, but declined because I didn't think I'd be up to walking around in a crowd. One of the people that did go was telling me a little about last week's experience. He really liked it (it was his first time going) and even bought some prints. He mentioned that he saw a lot of original paintings that were several hundred dollars apiece.

Somehow, we got talking about our trip to Sedona, and I brought up the price of a bronze statue we had seen there. It was really cool. It also cost somewhere in the neighborhood of $45,000.

Me: Well, it was cool and all, but I wouldn't buy something like that. Especially for that price. Even if I had the money. I'm not exactly a statue-in-the-yard type of guy.

Friend: What type of guy are you, exactly?

I gave him some answers, some of which are repeated below along with some others I came up with for you to read. You know, In case you're wondering the same thing.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm a bites-his-fingernails-when-they-get-too-long-or-uneven-or-when-he's-nervous type of guy.

I'm a hey-everybody-listen-to-this-awesome-music-and-like-it type of guy.

I'm a misses-living-in-an-area-where-it-snows-until-he-hears-stories-about-his-parents-driving-through-storms-and-passing-thirty-plus-accidents-on-the-icy-roads type of guy.

I'm a too-chicken-to-make-the-first-move-on-a-girl-unless-there-is-good-indication-that-such-a-move-would-not-be-rejected type of guy.

I'm a hurry-up-and-open-a-manuscript-draft-when-he-hears-his-advisor-coming-down-the-hall-so-that-it-looks-like-he's-been-working-instead-of-blogging-IMing-or-wasting-time-on-myspace-in-case-his-advisor-pokes-his-head-in-to-see-how-things-are-going type of guy.

I'm a washes-hands-immediately-after-touching-an-animal type of guy.

I'm a trims-his-nails-with-the-scissors-on-his-Swiss-army-knife type of guy.

I'm a turn-his-cell-phone-off-at-night-in-order-to-save-the-battery-and-not-be-woken-up-by-a-call-in-the-middle-of-the-night type of guy.

I'm a willing-to-drop-an-F-bomb-in-order-to-make-a-joke-funnier type of guy.

I'm an eats-Hershey's-kisses-when-he-takes-percocet type of guy.

I'm a likes-to-take-pictures-but-never-prints-them-up-and-frames-them type of guy.

I'm a would-rather-drive-eight-hours-to-Lake-Tahoe-to-play-in-the-snow-than-drive-an-hour-to-Mt.-Charleston-to-do-the-same-thing type of guy.

I'm a could-be-a-great-cook-if-he-wanted-to-but-instead-only-uses-his-kitchen-skills-to-make-desserts type of guy.

I'm a not-afraid-of-heights-but-is-scared-of-snakes type of guy.

I'm an I-don't-drink-but-will-hang-out-with-and-act-just-as-drunk-as-you-while-you're-drinking-short-of-vomiting*-or-sleeping-with-an-ugly-chick type of guy.

I'm a recycle-every-scrap-of-paper-yet-enjoys-shooting-glass-ornaments-in-the-desert-with-his-dad's-rifle type of guy.

I'm a when-simultaneously-hit-with-a-case-of-diarrhea-and-vomit-will-always-choose-to-crap-in-the-toilet-and-puke-on-the-floor-rather-than-puke-in-the-toilet-and-crap-on-the-floor-because-vomit-is-more-appealing-to-clean-up-than-crap** type of guy***.

I'm a thinks-he's-funny-even-if-nobody-else-seems-to-agree type of guy.





*Unless, of course, we are playing a drinking game and I have to eat a bite of chocolate every time I would normally have to take a drink, in which case all bets are off, and I will vomit multiple times throughout the night. I still won't sleep with an ugly chick though.

**No matter how runny it is.

***Unlike some people I know.

Starfuckers, Inc.

My brother, Dr. Psycho, told me a little while ago that he might be picking up some contract work from a rehab center that a lot of rich people and celebrities go to.

Now, it's probably not the most ethical thing, but I told him to try and set me up with the next Hollywood starlet that comes through. It doesn't even matter who it is really, as long as she's rich and famous. Lindsay Lohan? Britney Spears? Check and check. Those girls aren't really what I'd consider to be my "type," but then again, I'm shallow, so them being rich would be enough for a while. Just once I'd like to experience receiving a Ferrari for a birthday or Christmas present.

I'd totally be ok with being the next Kevin Federline.

If she wants to dance and drink all night, well there's noone that can stop her

**Edit**
If you're looking for the lyrics to Thrash Unreal, click here.
**Resume post**

About a month ago somebody made the comment that I've lived in Vegas too long (sure I was talking about how to dispose of a body, but that doesn't necessarily mean anything). While it may be true that I've lived here too long, weird stuff also happened to me before I moved here. I've told you about the time I picked up The Hungarian, but he wasn't the first stranger I'd ever given a ride, and it was only slightly more uncomfortable than the first time.

It was shortly after my ex-wife and I had separated, and I went on a weekend flyfishing trip to the Green River to try and get my mind off things. It was early in the spring (my favorite time to fish the river), and I was on my way home. About a 100 miles from home I passed a truck with its hazard lights blinking. Since it was in the middle of nowhere, and it was getting dark, I looked around to see if I could help, but didn't see anyone. I kept driving, it got dark and started snowing. About 20 miles down the road, as I was coming up on a small town, I passed a shadow on the side of the road. Figuring that this was the driver of the broken down vehicle, I stopped and a woman got in the car.

Her: Thank you so much!
Me: Don't mention it. Is that your truck back there?
Her: No.
Me: No? Then what are you doing out in this?
Her: Oh, I'm coming from that trailer park over there.
Me (noticing the trailer park for the first time): Oh. Do you live there?
Her: No. I just came from having a threesome with a girl from work and her husband.
Me: Um, really?
Her: Yeah. She's been wanting to fuck me for a long time. So, I finally agreed to do a threesome with her and her husband, and then she goes and gets all pissed off and starts fighting with him afterward.
Me: . . .
Her: The original plan was for him to pick me up and then take me home afterward, but after they started fighting I just left.
Me: Ok, so where do I need to take you.
Her: I just live on the other side of town.
Me: I'll take you home so you don't have to walk in this.
Her: Thanks.
Me: No problem.

Uncomfortable silence

Her: So, do you party?
Me: No.
Her: You don't drink, or do any drugs?
Me: Nope. I'm a good boy.
Her: Wow. So there are still a few of those left in the world.
Me: Yup.

This was about the time that we started getting close to her place, so the conversation stopped so she could give me directions. I dropped her off. She tried to get me to come in for a drink, but I declined. She may as well have been asking me, "So, which STD would you like to contract tonight?"

My only question is, how come the girls in stories like this are never attractive? If she had been, the ending may have been a little bit different.

Evaluate me

It's time for another round of Native Minnow's favorite things from his teaching evaluations. I've been lazy, so I'm lumping Spring Semester and Summer Session into the same post. (Remember that all of these are in their original form, misspelled words and all. Also keep in mind that we're really asking for constructive criticism on these evaluations, although we rarely get any other than "make quizzes easier.").

SPRING SEMESTER
What was your favorite exercise and why?
-Digesting the pig. I found it to be most interesting.
-Cutting up the pig. Was fun to play scientist/doctor on something that was living (please note, the pigs were not actually living).
-Dissect fecal pig.
-Plant labs. They didn't smell.

What was your least favorite exercise and why?
Fetal pigs. I see nothing to be gained from examining a farm animal's insides.

What is the major weakness of the lab?
-It has a slow start, not very fun to be in.
-Jumping directly from plants to animals (is there really any other kind of transition you can make here?).
-Doesn't do enough bench presses.

How would you assess your lab instructor's ability in making things understandable, and their willingness to help?
-Always there to help, it was almost a symbiotic relationship.

How could he/she improve?
-Give away more chocolate in the last lab.
-No more fish shirts, die his hair blue.
-Get a biology tattoo. Dedication counts.
-Grow 2" in height. He isn't tall enough (I'm 6' 4")

What were his/her strong points?
-Those awesome fish shirts he wears (it seems they were divided on this issue).
-Wow, a smart intelligent science teacher with a personality.

SUMMER SESSION
Comments about (strengths and weaknesses) the instructor, course, assignments, textbook, etc.
- [He] is way cool to the max. No glaring weaknesses, but him always wearing sandals is just a little weird. [He] Rulez!
-He is a very nice instructor. I understood his lecture much more better than any of my past biology teachers.
-He is very cute super guy.
-Great job man! We should talk more about fermentation.
-He clarified my understanding of meiosis in two minutes. Thank you.
-He's HOT!

All those other hoochie skanks, they ain't got shit on me

Yesterday at lunch the place was kind of crowded. Once my friend and I had finished eating we went to refill our drinks at the fountain machine. I filled mine first and walked out to the car. He came out a minute or two later and said "Ha ha, you just got checked out by a gay couple. They totally looked you up and down while you were getting your refill."

What can I say? I am a sexy man.

I want a girl with shoes that cut and eyes that burn like cigarettes

When I first started this blog I posted evidence that I am a sexy man here, here, here, and here . Now I have one more line of evidence to suggest that. Last night I went to my first model shoot. I have a friend who works as a model, and a few weeks ago I told her that I liked a lot of her pictures and that I thought it would be cool to get someone to do some of me, so she invited me to come along to a shoot and said that she'd ask to see if they wouldn't mind snapping a few of me while they were at it.

She sent me an email with the directions, and said that she was going to get there around 6 for makeup and hair so if I showed up around 8 she should be ready. I got there a little early, so hung out in the art gallery downstairs where a guy had a bunch of screen shots of old Nintendo and Atari 2600 games. It was a really cool idea. With all the negative stuff in the world, it was kind of refreshing to see a giant picture of Mario jumping on a turtle, or of Link obtaining the TriForce.

After talking with the guy that shot those pictures for a while I went upstairs to where the model shoot was. My friend wasn't quite finished getting her makeup done, but she looked like some kind of Japanese warrior. It was cool. She had no idea what they were doing to her, and had just seen it for the first time when I walked in. She turned away from the mirror, saw me, and about jumped out of her chair because of how unexpected it was to see her face like that, then turn around and have me see her face like that. You probably had to be there for it, but it was funny.

I stood there and talked to her while they finished her makeup and started doing her hair. There were other models getting ready for their shoots at the same time, and it was a little strange to be talking and all of a sudden turn around to see a beautiful girl changing her clothes in the middle of the room. I'm certainly not complaining, it's just not something I see every day.

There were several galleries where the models could go get their shots taken, and when my friend was ready she and the photographer went and found one. It was interesting to see her pose. It was like she flipped a switch and morphed into a different person with each pose. After a while she came up and told me it was my turn. I posed for a few shots, but felt ridiculous the whole time. I don't know how people can do that and keep a straight face the entire time, because I probably ruined every shot by moving, or smiling and laughing when I wasn't supposed to. Hopefully there were enough in there that at least one of them will turn out good.

I spent most of the night standing there talking to my friend and her fiancée, or watching her pose for more pictures. She introduced me to a bunch of the other models, but one of them came up and introduced herself to me. We only talked for a few minutes, but she was definitely the hottest one there. I'm sure she was just being nice, but hey, a guy can dream can't he?

The Hungarian

To revisit an old theme, I'm presenting yet more evidence to support Native Minnow's theory of his own sexiness.

The first line of evidence is on ratemyprofessor.com. A web site where students are able to go and post comments about professors they've had for college classes. Other students can then go read these comments to help them make a decision about what professors to try and take the classes from. While I'm not a professor, I have taught a couple of introductory classes, and a lot of labs. Apparently this site allows people to post comments about TA's so I have had some of my students post comments about me. It's a little flattering because I have a pretty high approval rating, but the best part is that they allow students to post a chili pepper next to a professor's name if they think that person is hot. I have a chili pepper next to my name, and one of the students ended their post with "plus he's kinda cute."

I do have to point out that it apparently isn't just females that find me sexy. I should have told this story much earlier, but it didn't occur to me until now so here goes:

About a year and a half ago I was leaving my office to go home and get something to eat. As I got to my car I had a guy approach me and ask me for a ride. I felt bad for the guy since it was about 115 degrees outside (Vegas in the summer time is not a fun place to be), so I went against my better judgement and told him that as long as he was going somewhere nearby that I could give him a lift. He got in the car and began to strike up some conversation as I drove away. I wasn't really thinking at first, but it occurred to me after a few blocks that he still hadn't told me where he was going, so I asked.

"Wherever you're going is fine."

This set off alarms in my head, but then I told myself I was overreacting and that I'd just seen too many Kids in the Hall skits where gay guys use that as a pick up line. I didn't really know where to go, but I did know that I wasn't taking this guy to my house, so I just kept driving while thinking about how to get out of the situation I had gotten myself into. Then we had the following exchange:

Him: "So [Native Minnow], what's your ethnicity?"
Me: "Uh, I'm white."
Him: "No, I mean where are your ancestors from?"
Me: "Mostly from Scotland and England. How about you (still trying to be nice)?"
Him: "Hungary. Get it? Hung?"

Now the fire alarms were going off in my head. I should have stopped the car right then and told him to get out, but I'm too nice for that so figured I needed to take him back to the place where I picked him up, but I had told him I was going for dinner, so felt like I needed to go get some food so that my story didn't change either. I decided I would stop by a fast food place, and there was a KFC nearby so I headed in that direction. I did start talking about my girlfriend (at the time we were still going out), my kids and my ex-wife, just to get it across to him that I wasn't gay. I stopped and got some food and headed back towards my office. At this point he started pulling out all the tricks that I can only assume would work on other gay males. He talked about how he liked living in Vegas except he didn't like having sweaty balls all the time (not sure how I was supposed to respond to that one, so I just kept driving). He asked if he could come back to my office with me, and whether or not I had internet there (which I could only assume was so we could look up gay porn). Then we had another interesting exchange:

Him: "So do you have any nicknames [Native Minnow]?"
Me: "Nope."
Him: "So what do people call you?"
Me: "Just [Native Minnow]."
Him: "Really? People don't come up and say 'What's up Big D?' Because you look like the Big D type."

*edit* My real name does start with a D.

Yikes! I couldn't get back to my office fast enough. Once we parked though, he acted like he was going to follow me there, so I decided to go share my food with a friend of mine who had been teaching labs all day. I walked in while she was giving a practical final, which confused her about why I would be interrupting something so important. I walked to the front of the room, showed her the bag of food and said, "I brought you some food in case you want it, but more importantly, there's a gay guy who is trying to pick up on me and I can't get rid of him." She told me that she suspected some of her students of cheating so said I could stay and watch them with her. I did that until he went away (he was waiting in the hall for a little while).

It's a really funny story to look back on now, but it certainly wasn't very funny at the time. I decided that would be the last time I was going to be nice to strangers. Nevertheless, still more evidence to the fact that I am indeed a sexy man.

Evidence is definitely mounting

My friend Mike pointed out yesterday that there is another piece of evidence that I am indeed a sexy man. In fact, he was surprised I left it off the original post (for those of you who don't know me, I assure you that this is a big joke-I don't really believe it).

A few years ago when I was working on my master's degree, I applied for a scholarship that would help me to pay for some of my research over the summer. It was a fairly small applicant pool as the only people who could apply were grad students from my university who had an interest in studying natural history. In fact, I may have been the only applicant, but I can only speculate on that. Nevertheless, I was lucky enough to be a recipient of the award, which was a $1000 check that would be presented to me at a nice luncheon. There was to be a little ceremony where my advisor got up and said something nice about me, then they would call me up, hand me the check and take a few pictures. The man who had set up the scholarship fund had passed away several years before, but his children had decided to keep the fund going in his name, and one of them was on hand (along with her husband) to present me with the award.

Unfortunately, during the presentation, there was not a lot of time for us to talk, but I wanted to make sure that I had expressed my gratitude before they left. My wife and I (we were still married at the time) went up to them afterward to talk a bit more. We thanked them again for providing the opportunity to get such an award, and they said they were very happy to be in a position where they could do it. The daughter then began saying things along the lines of how they had expected me to be smart, but had not expected me to be so good looking. It was rather embarassing, but I thanked her for the compliment. She continued to go on and on about it, even going so far as to say that she thought I was the most handsome recipient of that award that she had ever seen. It got to the point that her husband started looking at her sideways, my wife started looking around for an escape route, and we eventually went our separate ways.

Of course, this became a big joke in the lab, and I even went so far as to list it on my curriculum vitae as I was getting ready to apply for Ph D programs (of course I deleted that before sending any of them out).

I'm wondering how much more evidence I need before I can start referring to this as Native Minnow's Theory of his own sexiness. I somehow doubt that will stand the test of time.