I'm going against the line of reasoning that says anything posted after 2 a.m. is probably best left unsaid, but I can't sleep because of what's on my mind so here we go. I have a confession to make. For the last few months I've been dating someone. Or I should say, I had been dating someone. During that time, this girl and I became more than friends, but not quite a couple. That is until a couple weeks ago when she and I decided that we'd be better off if we were just friends.
The other night I went out with a friend and she asked me if I was still seeing this girl. I explained the whole situation to her, including the part about how we'd decided to call it off. When I'd finished talking she asked me a simple question: Are you afraid of commitment?
Right there my friend summed it up in three little words. Afraid of commitment. As cliché as it sounds, that's exactly what the problem was. It wasn't the lack of chemistry, or any of the other things the girl and I had discussed when we decided to end things. It was that I was afraid to commit to her, to come right out and ask her to be my girlfriend. I still don't know why I couldn't do that. It's not that I didn't think about it, because I did. She would have made a great one, but I just couldn't make myself say the words.
Well, last night I saw the girl for the first time since she and I called things off. I had a few things I was getting rid of that she could use, so I invited her over for dinner so she could pick them up. It was nice to see her, don't get me wrong, but it affected me more than I thought it would. A lot more. I kept wanting to touch her, put my arms around her, and when she left I wanted to kiss her goodnight, but I couldn't. That's when it occurred to me. I'd messed up something good.
I'm fairly certain that it's too late to change anything. I have reason to suspect that she's interested in someone else already. Even if that's not the case, she obviously wasn't happy with the way things were and where they were going. My head still tells me that we did the right thing. I just wonder how long it's going to take for my heart to agree. I really do miss her.