Thursday, January 10, 2008

You can't touch me 'cause I'm electric and if you touch me you'll get shocked

I belong to a fantasy football league. We've been doing it for four years now, and it's usually the same people who sign up for teams. It's fun to have competitions like that among friends, especially as a way of keeping in touch with those who've moved away. It also makes watching the NFL a lot more fun since every game has implications for the people who are playing (I don't know why I'm explaining this. Those who play fantasy football already get it. Those who don't think those who do are dorks). I have yet to win a championship (in this league, I did win the first year I played in a different one), but most years I've at least had a competitive team. Until this year that is. This year my team sucked, and one of my other friends won the title.

The trophy ceremony was two nights ago at a bar near campus. My friend who won asked me if I wanted to ride over with him. I did. When we got to the bar, I went to open the door of his truck, and broke the handle right off. I guess I'd forgotten my own strength. This isn't the first time something like that has happened. Here are a few other instances* where I've forgotten my own strength.

I once . . .

. . . leaned against a tower in Pisa, Italy. You already know the result of that little incident.

. . . beat Chuck Norris in an arm wrestling match without even realizing we were arm wrestling.

. . . sneezed and blew a freight train off the tracks.

. . . administered CPR to a guy and accidentally pushed all the way through his chest and into the pavement below. It was ok though because he turned out to be the spawn of Satan, so I did the world a favor.

. . . flattened a mountain when I fell down on it.

. . . snarled at a wolf and gave it a heart attack.

. . . flicked a booger while driving and shattered the windshield of the car behind me, which wasn't even a car, but an army tank.

. . . killed a man when a toenail clipping got away from me and penetrated his skull.







*These may or may not have actually happened.

11 comments:

h said...

"Denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonalds because it was 10:35 AM, Tim Tebow threw a football at the building so hard it became a Wendys".

www.timtebowfacts.com

BlazngScarlet said...

I too play FF.
Difference is, I now play online.
I've been in my one league for 8 years, and the other for 6.
I've won 8 championships total.

Oh yes, I loves me some FF!

Maybe next year we'll start an online blogger league.
Food for thought .....

Anonymous said...

FF rocks! Changed the way i watched fooball - had to give it up because i found myself watching 18 hours straight on sundays. Found you through the waitress... funny stuff. Oh, and sometimes when i fart? The entire trailer park blows away...

Anonymous said...

I'm so strong, my own ass complained! Heya Daisy :) Hey Minnow, don't be ragging on the Walkin! He's one of my fav's. :P

Native Minnow said...

Troll, those are pretty funny, although I saw a few of them on a Chuck Norris list first. My favorite one was probably "with Tim Tebow, each of his testicles is larger than the other."

Blaze, a blogger FF league isn't a bad idea.

Daisyfae, welcome, and go clean up the trailer park.

Waitress, I'm not the one who coined the nickname, I'm just saying it's a little disturbing to be compared to someone who has been called 'the scariest man alive.' However, if he's one of your fave's then I'll take that as a compliment after all.

AnoMALIE said...

Ok, "Lennie," I guess we won't be sending any puppies your way.

(Sorry, Of Mice and Men really left a lasting impression on me)

Anonymous said...

You had me up to Chuck Norris.

http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/

good work on the spawn of satan though.

:)

Native Minnow said...

Anomalie, are you saying I'm retarded?

Ver Girl, I knew that one was a little far fetched ;-)

2 Dollar Productions said...

I'll accept them all except the Chuck Norris bit. Let's not go overboard, eh?

And some FF seasons are like that. Ugly, but necessary.

AnoMALIE said...

I'm just saying you shouldn't touch anything soft and fluffy, for fear that you'll snap its neck in two (even stuffed animals... we all saw what you did to that teddy bear!).

If I thought you were retarded, I'd just call you "retard."
Plain and simple, buddy.
:)

h said...

When it rains in the Swamp, Tim Tebow doesn't get wet. The rain gets Tebowed.