Monday, August 23, 2010

I'd rather dance than talk with you

This morning I forgot about two things:

1) The tunnel I drive through on the way to my office is under more construction than usual.

2) Classes start today.

The combination of these two facts meant that traffic was a bajillion times heavier than it's been all summer. Yes, a bajillion.

As I sat inching my car along, I had more time to notice some things. Like the license plate frame on the car in front of me that read "I'd rather be swimming." I can understand wanting to be just about anywhere other than driving in heavy traffic, but I was a little surprised that people still put those frames around their license plates. I was also a little surprised that no matter what, this person would rather be swimming. Driving to the airport for a tropical vacation? No thanks, I'd rather be swimming. Making out in the back seat of the car? No thanks, I'd rather be swimming. Then, as I pulled into the parking lot on campus, I noticed a friend's truck had one that read, "I'd rather be playing baseball."

So I learned two things on my way to campus: Some complete stranger likes swimming. A friend of mine likes baseball.

The problem with those license plate frames, though, is that there are some people who can't be completely honest with what they'd rather be doing because of social stigmas. I came up with a few, for those people. Hey, I'm here to help.

I'd rather be . . .

. . . watching porn.

. . . skinning squirrels.

. . . cooking methamphetamine.

. . . sacrificing virgins.

. . . punching retards.

. . . date raping your sister.

. . . burning a cross in your yard.

. . . choking a hooker.

Feel free to put your favorite one around your license plate.

7 comments:

Heff said...

You HAD me at "watching porn".

steph said...

1. classes started for me, too. well the students came. it was actually a lovely day. i hope yours was, too.

2. i cannot stand bumper stickers. the political and social commentary variety make me want to punch the driver. well, when it isn't my view, that is.

3. are there any virgins left to sacrifice?

AnoMALIE said...

you scare me sometimes, man... :)

Michele1L said...

The more I think about this post, the funnier I think it is. But I'd rather be eating nachos.

vivalacrap said...

At least you didn't see the [I LV LV] guy. He is a douche. First day of school can suck it. I would rather be a squirrel being skinned than attend the first week of school.

elbee said...

I Las Vegas Las Vegas?

Native Minnow said...

Elbee, I think it's supposed to be I Love Las Vegas. But yeah, he sounds like a douche.