I'm gonna hit you on your face I'm gonna punch you in your glasses

I'm going to copy Bill Maher today. I'm giving you my list of things that must go. Without further ado:

-People who almost come to a complete stop before making a right turn out of traffic and into a parking lot (or driveway). Learn how to drive before you take your car out on the road.

- People who have to do a three point (or more) turn to get into, or out of, a parking space. Again, learn how to drive your vehicle.

- People who talk on their cell phones while at the gym. Know when to unplug people.

- LA Lakers fans who chant M-V-P every time Kobe goes to the free throw line. It's annoying. And so is Kobe, so, while we're at it . . .

- Kobe Bryant.

- Fat chicks who dress like they're not. Cover that fat up. Nobody needs to see that shit.

- Couples who share email accounts, myspace pages, etc. It's not cute. It makes you look like you have control issues, or don't trust each other. And, if you don't, break up.

- The 9/10 of a cent placed on the end of gas prices. Gas isn't $4.039/gallon, it's $4.04. Quit treating us like we're stupid. We all round up anyway.

- American Idol. Because it sucks.

- Jared from Subway. Ditto.

I need a hero

It's election time again! I wish I could really be excited about it, but I can't (it's not like we can get rid of our retarded president this time). In fact, with election day coming up I've been constantly reminded of how much I dislike politicians. The focus always seems to be on what the opponent did or didn't do rather than what a good job the candidate in the ad will do if elected. I get tired of mud-slinging rather quickly, and there are actually some offices that I may not vote for either candidate simply because that's all they've been doing. That'll learn 'em.

Mud-slinging has gotten to be too popular in advertising as well. I find it interesting when a company will advertise about how bad another company's product is rather than come up with something creative to illustrate how good their own is. It always leaves me with the feeling that they must not have anything good to say about their own product when they do that.

Last night I saw a Subway commercial that talked about how much fat was in McDonald's food and I was slightly puzzled. For one thing, I don't even consider these two restaurants to be direct competitors. I guess they're both vying for our lunch dollars, but it really depends on what someone is in the mood for. If someone's not in the mood for a sandwich they aren't going to eat at Subway regardless of whether or not they get a crappy hamburger at McDonald's. Secondly, I thought I told Jared from Subway to go away. Obviously he didn't listen.

Let me try and clarify (hey, that rhymes)

I got an email from a friend of mine regarding the 'I want to be an old hermit' post. She disagreed with me about my statement that what people think of as 'normal' is actually overweight. She thinks that in our culture what people think of as 'normal' is actually extremely thin. She brings up a good point that I thought I should acknowledge and clarify a little. I was talking about the way that people look at men in particular. People tell me all the time that I'm too thin, but I really don't need to put on any weight. Sure I could use some bigger muscles, but I don't need to gain weight just for the sake of not being so thin.

This is where our culture has a double standard, and I guess that was part of what I was trying to get at (that and the fact that I've heard enough out of Jared from Subway). In our culture it's ok for a man to be fat, but not for a woman. Most girls will still go out with a guy if he is fat, but most guys will not go out with a fat girl (probably because most men are shallow, but I digress). But I don't think that has anything to do with what people think is 'normal.' Rather, I think that has to do with what people think of as 'beautiful.' There's a big difference there.

I want to be an old hermit

There are certain people in my life that need to go away and never be heard from again. I didn't want to name any names and hurt any feelings, but I'm talking about you Jared from Subway. We get it, you were a fat slob, then decided to eat like a normal person and lose some weight, and it worked. Good for you. Now go away.

My question is this, at what point do people start to realize that they are indeed fat and ought to do something about it? I am lucky in that respect. I don't know if I've been blessed with a high metabolism or what, but I've never had to worry about weight gain. In fact, I never watched my diet at all until I found out my cholesterol was high about a year and a half ago. Most of the people that know me think I'm too skinny. That may be the case, but it may also be that we live in a country with an obesity problem, and what people think of as normal is in fact overweight. After all, that is what we're used to seeing.

My point is this: It shouldn't take a person reaching 400 or so pounds (like Jared from Subway) to realize that something needs to change. I can tell when I've put on a little weight, and when I have, I usually try to exercise a little more so that I can take it back off. I might be considered to be too skinny, but I still have a thin layer of fat preventing my six pack from peeking through, and I need to work that off. But I don't need you, Jared, to tell me that. I'm working on it myself.