So come along and play my game, you'll never be the same

This week I had to cover a friend's lab because she couldn't be there. It happens to be the week of a short field trip where we visit a place about thirty minutes away from campus. We shuttle students out there in twelve passenger vans. As I pulled out of the parking lot with a van full of students, I went over a speed bump too fast, and bounced the students in the back seat around a little.

Me: Sorry.

Student: What? You're not used to driving a big van like this?

Me: Not like this. The van I drive doesn't have any windows.

Student: Or passengers?

Me: Exactly. And I usually drive a lot slower as I'm patrolling neighborhoods looking for kids to offer free candy to.

Student: . . .

Hey, I don't wanna break down why I'm feeling so lonely when you're around

I was walking across campus today when I saw a friend of mine.

Her: Where are you going?

Me: Lunch. Want to come?

Her Friend (who I've never met): Are you going to buy food for us?

Me: The only way I'm buying you food is if you put out.


Got to make a good first impression, you know?