About ready to give up

As a couple of you know, my ex-girlfriend was in town a few weekends ago to visit with her friends and her father. She'd told me she would be here, and that she'd give me a call if she got some time to see me. It was the first time I'd seen her since before our break up, and I was very nervous because I wasn't really sure what to expect. Luckily, everything went well and we ended up spending a little bit of time together. It was nice being around her again. I realized that I wasn't as over her as I thought I was, and she had a similar reaction. Unfortunately, I only got to spend two evenings with her before she had to go back home, but all things considered, they were two very good evenings.

We've been in contact a lot more regularly over the past few weeks. I don't want to complain about that, because we agreed to still be friends after we broke up, but it's been good enough to have me seriously thinking about whether it would be worth it to get back together with her. Long distance relationships suck, but at the same time, when you find someone that you're compatible with it can still be worth it. After all, good matches are hard to find. I decided that I was going to tell her that I thought we should give it another try, but when I brought it up, she told me that she had just decided not to. She's tired of long distance relationships, and would prefer a boyfriend she could actually spend some time with. She'd been trying to get the nerve to tell me that for about a week, but didn't know how to bring it up because she didn't want to hurt me. Of course, being the retard that I am, I took the fact that she was calling me more regularly as a sign that she was thinking along the same lines as I was. Boy was I mistaken.

Needless to say, I'm in a horrible mood today. I don't know if I'll ever be able to read a woman correctly because I obviously haven't figured it out yet. I can't hold it against her, she didn't do or say anything to lead me on, I just have a tendency to read the wrong things into what other people say and do. As pessimistic as I am about most things in life, you'd think I'd save a little of that for love.

(note: before you leave a comment with encouragement telling me how it will all be o.k., and that she's not worth it, you should know that I don't want to hear it. She's still a good friend, and we're not going to stop talking to each other because of this. At least once I stop my moping around)

Are you trying to tell me something?

I seem to be receiving far too many emails every day telling me how I can obtain this little blue pill for very reasonable prices. At least I assume they are reasonable prices, because I can't imagine anyone responding to such emails unless the prices were too good to be true (I have no idea how much viagra actually costs - really, I don't). Having said that, surely people must respond, or else there wouldn't be so many of these emails filling up my inbox.

(Ok, a quick Google search shows that it's about $10 a pill. It is rumored to be selling in China for as much as $40 per pill. These emails are advertising it for $3.80. Maybe I should start buying it here and selling it in China. Back to the point.)

This pill is a perfect example of doing the best you can with what you've got. Most people already know this, but the pill was originally intended to help with coronary artery disease, but obtaining an erection was one of the side effects. Rather than fight with that and figure out how to make it stop producing erections, the creators saw an opportunity to rake in some serious cash, and instead, developed it into the boner pill that we all know and love. I'd have to say it worked for them. I'd settle for a small fraction of the money they must have made by now.

I have to admit, I wonder whether people are sending me these emails because they know something about me that I don't. I got real concerned that erectyl dysfunction might be in my genes when I did the Google image search to obtain the picture I've posted and saw one of my brother, Psycho Intern (ok, so I made that up). More likely it's just that my university's email system sucks at filtering spam. It's hard to believe (no pun intended - ok fine, pun intended) that I'd get ten times more junk sent to my professional account than I do to my hotmail account.

Breaking News

I'm not creative enough to come up with something good for my 100th post, but the timing just happened to be right for this news, which just happens to be pretty big. I got a call from my ex-wife the other day, and her boyfriend gave her a ring. She seems a little nervous about taking such a big step again, but she also seems happy. I'm happy for her. I hope she makes this one work (I told her when I first got a chance to see what he was like that she needed to make sure she didn't screw this one up).

I've mentioned on here before about how much I actually like the guy. He's the kind of person you hope an ex can find. That is, as long as you are still friends with your ex - if you're vindictive you probably like to see them with jerks, but there's more at stake here than my ex's happiness. There is also the happiness of my children to be concerned about. She's had several boyfriends since the two of us split up, but as far as I know, this is the only one that my kids have felt comfortable around and actually liked. How many guys do you know that wouldn't absolutely freak out when a 3 year old scribbles on the big screen HDTV with a marker, or puts a wood chip into the dvd player? His reaction to both those things was to drive my son to his mom's work so that she could talk to him about it - pretty cool. I don't know if I could have kept my cool like that given the situation. He also helps the older ones with their homework, and does a lot of the things I can't do for them since I live so far away. I'm grateful for that.

I haven't talked to my kids yet to see how they feel about their mom getting married, but they've mentioned to me before that they like this guy a lot, and that they don't ever want him and their mom to break up. Here's hoping that they don't.

5 secrets to a good relationship

1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.
2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.
3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.
4. It's important to have a woman who is great in bed and who likes to be with you.
5. It's very, very important that these four women don't know each other.

Ok, so I really only believe the first four (and maybe not even number 1 completely), but it made me laugh when I saw it, and I didn't have any other ideas to post. So there.

Something Special?

I just noticed that I'm coming up on my 100th post. It looks like I have another day or two to come up with something special. It probably won't be as special as this though, so don't get your hopes up.

Andre was robbed

I know that I'm much too old to care about this sort of thing, but I did watch the contests associated with the NBA's all-star weekend last night and think that they crowned the wrong guy as the slam dunk champion. The judges gave it to Nate Robinson, but anyone who was watching knows that Andre Iguodala had the best dunk of the night by far. It isn't often that you see someone do something new in this contest, so when it happens I think it ought to count for more. I'm also not as impressed when someone pulls off a dunk that looks spectacular, but only after failing to do it ten times beforehand. I think in future dunk contests they ought to limit the number of missed dunks a contestant can have. That would keep it more interesting. And I'm sure the NBA cares what I think.

New Words

I was really tired today. I don't know why. I got plenty of sleep last night, and spent all day studying (ok, maybe that's the reason). I'm hoping that it's just a result of my tired state, and not that I'm just losing brain cells, but I misspoke a couple of times today. I think I must have rubbed off a little on my friend, because he ended up doing so as well. Throughout the course of the day we came up with some new words that I'm going to define here.

• Literically - a descriptive term used in the rare occasions when a person is speaking both literally and metaphorically at the same time.
• Embertainment - what it is called when someone passes the time by staring at the flames of a fire.
• Misabbreviate - this happens when someone tries to shorten a word by abbreviating it, but shorten it to an abbreviation that actually means something completely different (e.g. if you try to shorten the word misters to mrs.).

Yes, we actually spoke these words in conversation. And yes, we're both Ph D students.

Second Blog

I've been inspired by Psycho Intern and Yin-Yang to start up a second blog where I can showcase some of the best digital photos I've taken. I'm not promising that they'll all be good, they're just my personal favorites. I take a lot of photos, but only get ones that I think are really good a small percentage of the time. Naturally, I have a few backlogged, but I'm not going to post them all at once. You'll just have to keep coming back every now and again for a look to see if there's anything you like.

Is it any wonder?

I was talking to a girl on the phone last night and we had the following exchange:

Me: I should probably get off the phone now.
Her: Why?
Me: Because I just poured a bowl of Reese's Puffs and I can't eat them while I talk to you. If I let them sit they're just going to get soggy.

As soon as I got off the phone I commented to my roommate that it might not be the best way to keep a girl's interest.

But they were delicious.

Don't worry, I called her back.

Procrastination and Poor Planning

I was driving down the street yesterday and saw about ten different places where people had their mini vans pulled off to the side of the road and were selling flowers or teddy bears out of them for Valentine's Day. I might not be the most thoughtful guy in the world, but I've never put off buying a present for someone until I was on my way home from work the day I'm supposed to give it to them. I think if I was that bad I'd probably just suck it up and take the brunt of what was coming to me for forgetting. I would like to be smooth enough to pull that kind of thing off though.

I think the closest I ever came to smoothly making up for poor planning was the day I proposed to my ex-wife. We lived in the middle of nowhere, and I had to go to a city about 4 hours away to take care of a few things, so I took her along with me. We hiked to a waterfall that was on the way, and that's where I proposed (it wasn't nearly as romantic as it might sound, but then again, few things are). Then we went on in to the city to take care of things. As we were gassing up for the return trip, she went in to get some snacks and a drink. As soon as she went into the gas station a guy walked up to me and asked if I wanted to buy a dozen roses off him for $5. I did, and gave them to her when she came back out to the car. She was surprised that I had been able to hide them all day, since she had been with me the entire time and knew that I hadn't had a chance to buy them anywhere along the way (and we had no florist, so I couldn't have picked them up beforehand). I told her the truth, that I had bought them from some guy on the street, but she didn't believe me.

The subject came up a few years later when we were visiting some friends, and she said she'd never been able to figure out when I'd bought the flowers. When I still stuck to my original story, she finally believed me. I think she must have been disappointed with that.

Hey, at least she thought I was considerate for a few years.

Side Effects

A friend of mine had to go to the doctor yesterday due to a cold that's beginning to develop into bronchitis. The doctor ended up prescribing a few different medications, and we were looking at some of the possible side effects:

• Mood changes
• Swollen legs and/or feet
• Muscle aches
• Vomiting that looks like coffee grounds
• Black, tarry stools
• Changes in menstrual cycle

The last one prompted my friend to say, "Now if I get my period tomorrow I'm going to be more than a little freaked out."

I don't blame him, I would be too.

Am I really such a wimp?

It's bad enough that I wonder about my emotional stability at times, but apparently I'm not the only one. My roommate's 15 year old son took it upon himself to break my balls yesterday(to use a Sopranos term - hey, the new season starts in a month).

Him: "What's the worst pain you've ever felt?"
Me: "The worst pain I've ever felt? Hmmmm, let me think."
Him: "And I'm not talking about emotional pain. I don't want you to break down or anything."

For the record, he's only seen me cry twice. Once when I got dumped, and once when I found out my ex-mother-in-law was going to die.

I eventually decided it would probably be the two months leading up to my back surgery - when I could hardly walk.

Darwin Day

Charles Darwin was born on this day in 1809. His birthday is celebrated in circles where his discoveries still have a heavy influence on research (but most of you already know this). Sometimes I wonder how guys like him did it. If you've ever read The Voyage of the Beagle (or any of his books really) you have an appreciation for the breadth of Darwin's knowledge. The man was an expert on many things.

I've been studying biology almost half my life, yet I still don't feel like I have what it takes to become an expert. I know there are those who will disagree with that, but I think that is part of what drives me. I'm afraid of looking like an idiot, so I try to learn more in order to prevent my peers from thinking that. Is that healthy? Not really.

I once heard that in order to be a leader of this field you have to be willing (and able) to put in 120 hours a week. This was from E. O. Wilson who most certainly understands what it takes to succeed. The man is one of the greatest thinkers of our time, and when I met him at a meeting a little over a year ago, he spoke about having 5 books at some stage of publishing within a single year. I have my name on three publications so far (once my latest one comes out that is), with a fourth being prepared for submission. However, I have yet to successfully apply for a grant larger than $750. Do I ever expect to get to such a high level in my career? No. But I would like to get to where I'm competetive enough to actually get a job, and be successful enough to get tenure once I do.

My life and the movies

Every once in a while, I’ll watch a movie and feel as if a part of the script has been taken from a segment of my life. Incidentally, these often become some of my favorite movies. Some of the more recent ones include The Royal Tenenbaums, Garden State, Closer, and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. If you haven’t seen these movies yet, I highly recommend them (with the exception of Closer. If you’ve ever been cheated on it will probably bring out feelings that you’d rather forget).

I just finished watching We Don’t Live Here Anymore for the fifth time. I saw it for the first time at the Sundance Film Festival a few years ago and immediately fell in love with it. This one is along the same lines as Closer, in that it is also not an easy one to watch if you’ve been cheated on, but that is probably why it gripped me the way it did. I just wish that I could have dealt with situations in my life with some of the same attitudes as the characters in this movie. Of course, in real life you only get one take.

I find myself enamored with trying to determine what causes a relationship to fall apart. I’m not sure exactly why, because it’s not like I recognize when it’s happening in one of mine. Maybe I’m just hoping to catch some of these things so I don’t make those mistakes in my next one. Although sometimes if feels futile, since there are a million different things that can cause the deterioration of a good relationship.

The thing that scares me is that while I despise infidelity (just have the guts to leave if you’re no longer in love), I find myself sympathizing with some of the jerks in these movies, and I’m not sure what that says about me. I’m just glad that I recognize this because maybe that means there’s hope for me to fix it. Here’s hoping that this introspection eventually pays off.

Another Seminar

I went to today's seminar, and if I have to suffer through that stuff, I'm making the rest of you suffer with me. I knew it was going to be boring from the title of the talk, but this part of the introduction of the speaker cemented that point in my mind:

". . . worked at the salinity laboratory, the world's foremost leading laboratory . . ."

Which prompted my friend to say "The world's foremost boring laboratory."

She also had the following to say about his outfit: part biogeochemist, part urban cowboy (but you probably had to actually see it for that to be funny - he was wearing a bolo tie).

Halfway through the talk I commented that it was so boring that I couldn't even make fun of it to keep myself interested.

Her response: "Au contraire. It is such a solid presentation, you can't find holes."

My favorite part was the end. Not only because it was the end, but also because he said "I went a little fast. Sorry about that. I was excited."

If I only had a nickle for every time those words had been uttered.

After Dark

The other night I was getting ready to leave work and offered to give my friend a ride to her car. I usually offer to walk my female friends out if we're leaving after dark, just as a safety precaution.

Her: "I don't think I'll ever be staying at the office until 2 a.m. I don't like to leave here after dark."
Me: "I don't blame you, there are a lot of weirdos here."
Her: "I know. And it's not like I'm [girl we know] where a rapist would just pass me up either."

And I thought only guys could be that cold.

Divine Thing?

I was burning a candle in my room while I was reading. As luck would have it, just as I was going to blow it out, one of the sides collapsed and opened up a hole for all the hot wax to run out. It got all over my shelves, and everything that was sitting on them.

This morning I was scraping some of the wax off of one of the picture frames that was on the shelf with a razor blade. In the frame is the last family photo I have with my kids and my ex-wife. We were separated at the time, but were actually talking about reconciling when the picture was taken. It was the first time I had looked at this photograph in a long time.

The Soup Dragons were playing in the background while I was doing this.

I could have sworn that you were an angel,
'cause you're a sweet, sweet, sweet, divine thing.
But I should have known that you were the devil
dressed like a sweet, sweet, sweet divine thing.

Fitting.

Open mouth, insert foot

I have a tendency to say things at the wrong time, or at least when I'm in the presence of the wrong people. For instance, I once made fun of a friend of mine for participating in a handicap awareness program just so that he could get a free t-shirt. There's nothing wrong with making people more aware of what the handicapped are faced with every day, but there was definitely something wrong with his motivation for participating. Of course, as I was making fun of him for it I said something along the lines of "so it was kind of like the time you participated in that stupid handicap awareness thing," then turned around to see a girl in a wheelchair glaring at me. Oops! I couldn't take the time to explain that I was trying to make fun of my friend, I just sat there and felt like a complete ass.

This weekend I put my foot in my mouth not once, but twice! The first was when I was sitting at a table with some friends. A friend of theirs (who I didn't know) came and joined us. They all began talking about this girl, and my friend leaned over and told me I knew her.

Me: "Oh yeah, someone told me to stay away from her because she has a boyfriend but she always cheats on him."
My friend's friend: "Yeah, that's me. There's a reason we don't live together."

The next night I was with the same friend, but a different group of people overall. I was describing where a girl we know lived and said "she lives over in those slummy apartments."

The girl I was talking to looked at another member of the group and said "oh, she lives right over by you then."

Just when I thought it was safe for me to start opening up my mouth.

Kid Art

My daughter drew this picture and left it in my car a while ago.

It cracked me up when I read it.

Alrighty then

Friday night at a convenience store I was getting ready to pay for my stuff when a store employee came in the front door. She looked at the other employees and said, "Don't make my butt vibrate as I'm pulling up to the front of the store." I can only assume that meant she was late for her shift.

Is it magic, or smoke and mirrors?

My post from yesterday pulled a Houdini. I don't know what happened, but it was on my blog when I showed it to someone yesterday morning, but it's gone now. Not only from the page, but from the dashboard as well. It's really too bad - it was my most insightful post ever.

Ok, not really. It was some stupid link that would allow you to turn your name into a 'pimp' name. Unfortunately, since it all disappeared I don't have the link anymore. I also listed a couple of the names it gave to me, but the only one I can remember is Professor Truth D. Rockefeller. I guess that's what I'll go by next time I visit the Strip.

For Shooting Star

I took this picture as a testament to how man has alterred the world. The mile marker speaks for itself by marring the view, but the reservoir may be less obvious. Both alter the landscape, and neither would be there without man's help.

My brother looked at me like I was a weirdo when I took this picture.

I remember responding to him with "Now that's f**king art!"

(Note to Shooting Star and Flies Without Wings (I'm boycotting the acronyms for now): Does this help with the homesickness?)

However, I don't want to be a dentist

I need a haircut. I normally don't let it get as bad as it is now, but the times I do I remember how wavy my hair gets. The other day I was talking to my friend and she asked me what the deal was with my wave. I had no explanation other than that I'd been putting off my haircut for way too long, but we joked about how it looked like Hermey's hair. I thought I'd post some pics and you can let me know if you agree.









By the way, it's not the worst it's ever been by any means. It was about twice as long in high school. Flies without wings used to refer to it as 'the cowlick canal.'

Dumb Things I Gotta' Do

My friend has a 'to do' list on a whiteboard at his lab bench. In the beginning of its existence it served a purpose - an actual list of things that needed to be done in the lab. It has now evolved into something with a much better purpose - keep those of us working in the lab entertained. Any time we have a random thought, we write it on the 'to do' list. Here are some of the highlights over the past few months:

• Touch the puppet head
• Dial N for nougat
• Attack the rythm nation
• Exhume the little rascals
• Feed chocolate to the dog
• Become the toast master general
• Stir a witch's brew while doing the running man
• Take time for tea and strumpets
• Lay siege to the kingdom of Monaco
• Double the population of Luxembourg in seven crazy nights
• Grow genetically engineered crunchberries

I wish I could take credit for all of these, but the most random (and hence funniest) ones were thought up by my Polish friend.

Dream Weaver

It happened. A little earlier than usual, but it happened. I have a recurring dream about once per semester that always makes me feel a little freaked out when I wake up. In this dream, I am enrolled in classes, and about 3/4 of the way through the semester realize that I'm enrolled in a class that I haven't been attending for the entire time. The subject matter of the class varies, but it's always something other than Biology, like English or Statistics or something that would be easy to forget about if one were in the habit of never leaving the Biology building. Obviously it would be impossible to recover from missing class for the majority of a semester, so when I wake up from this dream I always want to check my transcript. I suppose it comes from feeling that I'm not making enough progress on something I should be doing (which is true - my research), but it could just be that I'm a big nerd that doesn't want to see my GPA slip (also true). Any of you psychologists out there have an interpretation?

But seriously

I went to a basketball game at the Thomas & Mack Center last night. I believe it was as full as I'd ever seen it, yet by my estimates it was only slightly above half full (admittedly, my estimating skills are not very good - my friend said he thought it was closer to 3/4 full. Regardless, even if it were as full as my friend estimated there were still a LOT of empty seats). It's probably not a real good thing when that's the best crowd the team can draw.

My point is this, it's very rare for the people here to get excited about an event. There's just too much going on in this city. One can be entertained at any time of the day, any day of the week. As a result, people don't seem to be very interested in what is actually going on at the events they attend. I've been to a number of sporting events and concerts here, but it's not the same experience as the ones I've been to in other places. For example, during last night's game, the people behind us, in front of us, and off to one side of us sat and talked to each other or on their cell phones the entire time, not even stopping when something exciting would happen on the court. As my friend pointed out, it's almost like they were there just to see people, and to be seen, with no real interest in the game.

I've had the same experience at concerts here. This behavior might be expected at places where it's an unknown band, or if the place isn't very packed. However, even when I went to see John Mayer (who seems to be popular enough, although I don't really like his music that much - I went to the show because it was a free ticket and I had nothing else to do that night) I could hardly hear the music because of the murmuring of the crowd. People were talking to each other rather loudly so that they could hear each other over the music (so that the murmuring was actually more like a low roar). With everyone doing that, it got rather annoying (and I'm not even a fan).

I'm amused when I hear people talk about bringing a professional sports franchise to this city because I don't see how it would be successful. In order for a franchise to succeed, they have to put people in the stands. Those inflated contracts pro-athletes sign don't just grow on trees, they have to be paid for by the fans. That's not a hard thing to do when the team is a winner, but how many expansion teams start off as winners? I don't see the people of this city going to games year after year to watch a losing team. There are just too many other options. Now, I'm sure that the commissioners of the major sports could really care less what I think, and they'll end up putting a team here (it looks like major league baseball might be close), but if the experiment fails, I'll be able to say "I told you so." And after all, isn't that what's most important?

Why'd you have to be so cute?

Is it possible to be dumped by someone, even if you never were going out with them? I'm starting to think that's happened to me. There's a girl I am very interested in, and have been for a while. I've told her as much, and she led me to believe that she was interested in me as well. Unfortunately, due to some reasons I don't want to get into here, and due to some that I don't even understand, nothing has really progressed with her. We've had a few lunches together, but have hardly even talked since the end of last semester. I don't know if that's because I spent so much time out of town over the holidays, or if it's because it got too inconvenient to talk to me. It's too bad because she's absolutely gorgeous, funny, smart and just cool to hang out with. I'm hoping to get a chance to see her again soon, maybe that will help me figure it out.

My biggest problem is that I'm very insecure when it comes to relationships. My divorce has left me scarred, there's no doubt about that. I don't know what it will take in order for me to be able to fully trust in someone again, but it's not going to be an easy thing. If something can fall apart after 8 years, I don't know that I'll truly believe that it won't happen again. My insecurity was partially to blame for the failure of my last relationship (although the distance certainly played a role as well). It's not necessarily a bad thing if kept in check since those feelings will prevent me from taking anyone (or anything) for granted again. The hard part is keeping those feelings in check. I need to get to work on that.

Drosophila

One of the problems in my department is that there are a lot of geneticists who can't seem to keep their study organisms under control. You really can't be anywhere in the building and expect it to be Drosophila free. It gets annoying to always have to swat these things away as they're buzzing around your face.

On top of them just being annoying, there is a risk to the science that I do. I work with DNA sequences, and you always have to be careful in order to avoid contamination of samples. I know it will upset me to no end if I end up getting a population of fish that is more closely related to fruit flies than to my other populations.

I can't help but wonder what the response would be if it were my fish that were flopping all over the halls, and slapping people in the face with their tails while they're trying to work. I'm pretty sure people wouldn't stand for that. I don't understand why they stand for the flies.

Coachella

A few nights ago I went and saw a movie about the Coachella music festival. It was a one time showing, but I had to go because I've wanted to go to Coachella the past few years and never had the time or money. It certainly wasn't the same as going to the festival itself, for one thing, the music wasn't loud enough.

While looking around at the crowd I realized a few things. I was easily one of the oldest people in the theater (even among my group of friends). For a while I thought I might be the oldest, but then a few 50 year olds walked in and saved me from that. Maybe it's time to give up the dream and grow up a little (on second thought, nah).

A couple came in late and sat down next to me. I thought it was funny because they made sure it was the guy who sat next to me. I'm not quite sure what to think about that, but it probably means that I look like the kind of guy who would have hit on her throughout the movie. Who knows, maybe I would have.

Random Thoughts

My department has a seminar series where every Friday a person from another university or research institution comes in and presents their research. We have a small department with very wide research interests so sometimes the seminars are interesting to me and sometimes (ok, most of the time) they aren't.

Last week we had a microbiologist come in to talk about bacteria that live in hot springs. This is not a topic that interests me, so I had to come up with some of my own little things to keep myself entertained. At least then it would look like I was paying attention. Here are a few of those thoughts:

• What temperature would the water in hot springs actually have to be in order for my skin to peel off if I were to jump in?
• I need to come up with a research project that allows me to travel to remote forests and such, passing through places like Arches, Yellowstone and Yosemite on the way (oh wait, I already do).
• Carbon Cycling - can they ride tandem bikes? is there a yellow jersey involved?
• Do Correolus forces affect the direction in which the ends of one's mustache curls? If so, would one end curl up and the other down if one were to stand straddling the equator?

Warning: Crude Humor

Today my friend and I were sitting in our office when a couple of girls walked out of the classroom next door and passed by our open door.

My Friend: "You see those two girls? They're lesbians."
Me: "How do you know that?"
Him: "I had them in a class back whenever I was still teaching labs."
Me: "That was like three years ago."
Him: "Yeah, it's good to see lesbian love last that long."
Me: "Takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin'."

(Hey, I warned you)

Deadbeat Dad

Every now and again I wonder about the job I'm doing as a father. It's hard to feel very involved in your kids' lives when you live 6 hours away.

Then I read stories like this and I feel much better.

A Rural Murder

Music is mostly about lyrics for me. Sure a song has to sound good, maybe have a bit of a catchy tune in order for me to like it, but nothing beats good lyrics. Having said that, I'd like to make a shameless plug for a friend's band. I think his songwriting skills are amazing, I just hope that sometime his music makes it into the right hands so he can get signed by a record label (for his sake, not just because he said he'd let me come on stage if he ever made it big).

Here are some lyrics of his that I absolutely love (of course I can't do them justice here without putting them into the context of the song, but oh well). Some of these I haven't listened to in a while, so there may be one or two words that aren't quite right, I hope he'll forgive me.

"stole a magazine from a store on second, wrote a note on the back of an ad for cigarettes, ripped the page out and mailed it to you, it said meet me where you think I thought you'd be"

"laying on my back starin' up at heaven, hoping that Jesus might save a place for me, but I'm not asking"

"I walked a tightrope with frayed ends, I tied the knot that broke my fall"

"we long for better places, we all want pretty faces, well I could use a pair of aces, but these eights will have to do"

Slow News Day

My dinner last night pretty much sums up how pathetic I am:

• French fries (my own this time, not leftovers from the table next to me)
• Carrot sticks and hummus
• Yogurt

No wonder I dine out a lot.

Revisiting Brokeback

I went and saw Brokeback Mountain last night. It's a very excellent film, the best I've seen all year (hey, I had to get a lame "it's only Jan of 2006" joke in somehow). I highly recommend it, but it's definitely not a movie for prudes.

I don't want to take away from the movie in any way, it's just that I seem to have attention deficit disorder, so during a few of the slower parts of the movie I had the following thoughts:

• It annoys me how much grazing is allowed on public lands. Ranchers who graze their livestock on national forest land (or blm land for that matter) are getting a screaming good deal. They reap the benefits from having their livestock grow without having to buy feed, while the common taxpayer is stuck with the bill for repairing the damages done to the ecosystem by having their livestock up there. This may be something I have to revisit another time.
• I'd forgotten about how windy Wyoming actually is. I don't think the movie was filmed there, but it definitely reminded me of that state. Aside from the Grand Tetons and Yellowstone, I don't care if I never set foot in that state again.
• Seeing the characters of the movie made me remember what it feels like to be in love with someone (and I'm not just talking about the two main characters here either, I'm including their wives/girlfriends). I miss that.

Blog Comments

There are a few of you out there who read my blog from time to time, but are not registered users on the site so haven't been able to post comments (I know this b/c some of you have told me so). Just for you guys, I have changed the settings on my blog to allow anonymous comments. I'm not sure if I'll leave it that way for good. That depends on whether or not I start getting a lot of 'spam' comments. I do like to know who's saying what though, so those of you who are registered users, could you still leave comments while you're signed in? I'd also appreciate it if anonymous posters would let me know who they are somehow (that's for you Hoopsie).

Intolerance

I am originally from Utah, and while I love the state, I don't think that I'll be able to move back. By the time I was getting ready to move I was beginning to tire of the culture. Every now and again something will come up to remind me of this. Most recently, the controversy surrounding Utah Jazz owner Larry Miller and the movie 'Brokeback Mountain.'

For those of you who haven't heard the story (if there are any) allow me to summarize. Larry Miller owns many businesses in the Salt Lake Valley, one of which happens to me a movie theater (or a megaplex). One of his screens was going to be showing Brokeback Mountain, but he made the decision to pull the movie at the last minute. He didn't state a reason, but you can click on this link for more information regarding the situation.

Utah is a very conservative state (in case you're from another planet and didn't already know that), and it doesn't surprise me that something like this would happen there. I'm sure there are many in the state who are applauding Miller's decision, maybe seeing him as some sort of hero in taking a stand against immorality or something like that. I personally think he's a hypocrite. If he's going to take a stand with this movie, shouldn't he take that same stand against any other movie that has immoral subject matter? Since drug use, murder, even coarse language are all things that are against his religion (on top of sex out of wedlock, gay or not), shouldn't movies with any of that content receive the same treatment from him? If he is just discriminating against the movie because it's got gay cowboys, then isn't that an act of bigotry? If so, should the public just let it slide? (click here for more on that)

I should point out that I intend to see this movie, but in my own cowardice won't go until I find a girl who will see it with me. I have had enough enough experiences in my life where people have thought I was gay and tried to pick up on me (check my archives for the story about The Hungarian). I don't want to go to this movie alone lest someone see that as an opportunity to do just that. The difference between me and most of the people from my home state is that I'm not afraid of gay people. I've never been the kind of person to push my beliefs on others, but am still willing to accept those who may not share them with me. I find it somewhat ironic that a state where most of the people belong to a religion that is based on people's agency, or ability to choose for themselves, can be so intolerant of people who 'choose' something that they don't believe in themselves. It's that part of the culture that has ruined the state for me, beautiful as it may be.

A New Low?

This weekend I was hanging out with a couple of my friends. We went to a sports bar to get some dinner and watch some basketball. We ate as soon as we got there, but by the time we paid our bill I was starting to get a little hungry again. Then, as luck would have it, the game went into overtime . . . then double overtime . . . then triple overtime, with me getting more hungry by the minute. I wanted to order some fries, but knew I couldn't finish them all, plus I didn't want to hassle the waitress by making her open up a new bill.

There was a guy at the table next to us who had ordered a very large meal. (In fact, that's a large part of the reason why I wanted fries so bad). He paid his bill and left, and that's when I did it. I swooped in, grabbed his fries and took them back to our table where I ate a bunch of them along with one of my friends (I should add that my other friend seemed disgusted by my actions). I most definitely have stooped down to a new level.

Goin' on down to South Park

Ever wonder what you'd look like as a South Park character? Well now you can find out. Go to this site and pick the characteristics that resemble you from the options you're given.

This is me. As you can plainly see, I've been busy today.

Now that'd be more like it

While I was hanging out at my brother-in-law's flying service, he took me out and showed me a private jet that belonged to one of his customers. Now, I know you have to have a lot of money in order to own a jet in the first place, but this guy must have had a lot of money. Not only was the jet worth about $6.5 million, but the reason that it was parked out where I was able to take a look at it was because the guy couldn't park it in the hangar because that space was taken up by the 10 Lexus automobiles that he was giving as Christmas gifts. I can't even imagine having enough cash to be able to drop half a million on Christmas.

I meant to talk about this some time ago, but had limited internet access while I was gone for Christmas and didn't think about it until now. It goes along with a post by 'flies without wings,' or more accurately, one of the comments about that blog entry. Specifically that people don't tend to appreciate things as much if they have everything handed to them. I jokingly commented that I would love it if things were handed to me (ok - half jokingly) and that I was in the market for a sugar mama that could do just that.

I'm actually quite proud of the fact that I've made it to where I am today, but I'll be a lot more proud when I actually reach my next milestone (ie: graduate and get a real job). Let's just say that I've worked for a sufficient amount of time that I will still appreciate what I have even if someone comes along and starts handing me everything. Any potential sugar mamas that may be reading out there feel free to contact me.

Not So Long Ago, In a Galaxy Not So Far Away

First K-Mart fell, and I just saw on the news the other day that Toys R Us is going to start closing down stores. I'm not up to speed in the business world or anything, but it doesn't take a genius to figure out that it's most likely because those stores could no longer compete with Wal-Mart.

Then yesterday I came across an article on msn stating how Wal-Mart is taking over the world. It seems that the spread of this corporate giant is unstoppable (except maybe the new rulings that they have to provide employees with better benefits, actually give them lunch breaks or pay them for missed ones). I wonder how much longer until Wal-Mart controls everything and becomes an 'evil empire' complete with its own Death Star.

I should probably stop shopping there, but it's just so damn convenient.

A New Tradition?

I grew up in rural Utah, and as I mentioned before, feel very fortunate that I didn't end up being a redneck. However, there are certain things about redneck culture that I couldn't (or didn't) really avoid.
One of those things is that I enjoy shooting guns. I don't own any, but my dad does, and sometimes we'll go out shooting when I'm there visiting.

The past two years I've started something that may become a new tradition in my family. That is that we go to the store the day after Christmas, buy ornaments that are on sale, and go out into the desert to shoot them. It sounds like a very redneck thing to do. It is, but I think it's fun.

It brings to mind the lyrics of a Ben Folds Five song:

"if you're afraid they might discover your redneck past
there are a hundred ways to cover your redneck past
it's good to be back home"

Most of my friends now (that is those who didn't know me when I was growing up) are surprised by the fact that this is something I'd do. I guess that means I've done a relatively good job of hiding my redneck past. But as you can see from these pictures, I'm giving my kids a bit of a redneck past that they will have to cover up as well.

Yup, these are my students

At the end of every semester I have my students fill out a TA evaluation sheet where they are able to rate both the lab and me as an instructor. I always read through them to see if there are areas where I can improve, but most of my students seem to really like me. The same can't be said for the lab itself, but I have no control over that.

I just got my evaluations back from last semester (I can't see them until grades come out so that the students will feel free to say how they really feel rather than trying to suck up to get a better grade, or hold back for fear of getting a worse one, not that I would let a comment affect someone's grade anyway, but it's supposed to give them peace of mind). Here are some of the answers that I thought were funny:

LABORATORY ACTIVITIES
What was your least favorite exercise? Why?
"The stinky grasshopper"
"The grasshopper, crawfish & earthworm dissections. I'm not a big fan of bugs. It's a good thing we didn't do spiders!"
"Looking at slides . . . very gay."
"Everything with plants. I hate plants, they are possibly the most boring thing on earth."

What was your favorite exercise? Why?
"Intervertebrates. It was a nice break from plants." (note: you may need to read this again to see why it's funny. You may even need to be a biologist, I'm not sure).
"Jumping jacks and the pig dissection"

LABORATORY INSTRUCTOR
How could he/she improve?
"Sometimes he gabs to other students about non-biology things."

What were his/her strong points?
"Good talker"

In general, how would you rate your lab instructor as a teacher?
"Very" (I don't know what that means either)

Let me try and clarify (hey, that rhymes)

I got an email from a friend of mine regarding the 'I want to be an old hermit' post. She disagreed with me about my statement that what people think of as 'normal' is actually overweight. She thinks that in our culture what people think of as 'normal' is actually extremely thin. She brings up a good point that I thought I should acknowledge and clarify a little. I was talking about the way that people look at men in particular. People tell me all the time that I'm too thin, but I really don't need to put on any weight. Sure I could use some bigger muscles, but I don't need to gain weight just for the sake of not being so thin.

This is where our culture has a double standard, and I guess that was part of what I was trying to get at (that and the fact that I've heard enough out of Jared from Subway). In our culture it's ok for a man to be fat, but not for a woman. Most girls will still go out with a guy if he is fat, but most guys will not go out with a fat girl (probably because most men are shallow, but I digress). But I don't think that has anything to do with what people think is 'normal.' Rather, I think that has to do with what people think of as 'beautiful.' There's a big difference there.

No weddings - just a funeral

Carol's funeral was today, thus ending my "vacation." It was a nice service, and it was nice to see everyone again (well except for one person, but we won't get in to that now). In fact, I had the thought as I was getting ready to leave that it could very well be the last time I see most of the people there. I'm no longer a member of that family, and with their mother gone there isn't any kind of uniting force that is likely to draw them all together again. At least not when I'll be invited, but that's ok, I figured I'd already seen them for the last time when my ex and I split up.

The service was nice. I thought the family did a wonderful job of honoring their mother. I did feel sorry for them all, but I felt the very worst for my son. He's really struggled with this whole thing and is very upset about it. He wrote his grandma a note when he first found out she was dying, and on her request, he placed it in her hand today so that she could be buried with it. I don't know anything that was in it other than "Grandma, I love you to the moon and back." I think it made him feel special to be the only grandchild that got to put something in the casket.

After the funeral (which was in Salt Lake City), we drove about an hour away for the burial. Carol had a granddaughter who was run over and killed when she was two, and she wanted to be buried next to her. They did another little service at the grave, and afterwards the family went to a nearby church for a luncheon. Everyone left the cemetery except for me and my son who wanted to say his last goodbyes in private. It was heartbreaking to watch, but I couldn't resist taking this picture. I believe it's the saddest picture I've ever taken. Eventually the burial crew came in and we had to leave. I told my son that he could come back after they had put the casket into the ground, but I left that up to my ex. I know that he'll get through it, it's just a sad part of growing up, and unfortunate that it had to happen to him at such a young age.

I want to be an old hermit

There are certain people in my life that need to go away and never be heard from again. I didn't want to name any names and hurt any feelings, but I'm talking about you Jared from Subway. We get it, you were a fat slob, then decided to eat like a normal person and lose some weight, and it worked. Good for you. Now go away.

My question is this, at what point do people start to realize that they are indeed fat and ought to do something about it? I am lucky in that respect. I don't know if I've been blessed with a high metabolism or what, but I've never had to worry about weight gain. In fact, I never watched my diet at all until I found out my cholesterol was high about a year and a half ago. Most of the people that know me think I'm too skinny. That may be the case, but it may also be that we live in a country with an obesity problem, and what people think of as normal is in fact overweight. After all, that is what we're used to seeing.

My point is this: It shouldn't take a person reaching 400 or so pounds (like Jared from Subway) to realize that something needs to change. I can tell when I've put on a little weight, and when I have, I usually try to exercise a little more so that I can take it back off. I might be considered to be too skinny, but I still have a thin layer of fat preventing my six pack from peeking through, and I need to work that off. But I don't need you, Jared, to tell me that. I'm working on it myself.

Anticipation and Mortality

My ex-mother-in-law died last night. It's a really sad thing, but she reached a state at the end where I believe everyone was relieved to see her go. It's not easy to see someone you love in such a condition.

She was a trooper though. She held on much longer than anyone expected. The doctors told the family that she most likely wouldn't make it until Christmas, and she held on for another two weeks past that.

I had the dubious honor (I say that because it wasn't a fun experience, but I'm still glad I had the chance to show my support) of sitting at her bedside to make sure that she didn't need more medicine, or try to get out of bed if something startled her It was basically just to keep watch in case anything happened. While sitting there I had a little time to reflect on our mortality. That's not something I do often. In fact, I remember mentioning to my father a couple of years ago that I don't seem to be aware of the fact that I am mortal. Things that ought to scare me don't. There's only one time in my life that I can honestly say that I thought there was a chance I could die (when I was a teenager I hung over the edge of a 500 foot dam with some of my friends). As a result, I've done a lot of things where I probably could have died, but just not been afraid enough to refrain from doing those activities. Luckily, I've made it this far.

I was told the other day that people don't really start to think about their own mortality until sometime in their 40's - when they realize that it's coming up. It seems like the longer one lives, the more one wants to keep death at bay (There was a time when I thought I didn't want to be alive past the age of 50, now I want to live much longer).

It just seems to go against our nature to let go. We spend our entire lives doing everything in our power to stay alive. And for good reason, the world is a beautiful place. It's just terribly sad to see someone hang on a long time after their body has already quit on them. A time like this makes me realize how much I want there to be a God, so that the end of life is just us passing on to another phase. I'm hoping that I'll have a chance to see her again, just as I hope my kids will have a chance to see me again after my time finally comes.

New Year's Resolutions

I wanted to post something about my resolutions for 2006, but I still haven't made any because I apparently suck. Maybe I'll just have to settle with trying to be a little bit less of a jerk. That's all encompassing, right?

Or maybe I could resolve to come up with some resolutions.

Music '05

Since I haven't really come up with any New Year's resolutions yet, but have no other ideas for something to write, I thought I'd list some of my favorite cd's from 2005 (in no particular order):

• Cold Roses - Ryan Adams & the Cardinals
• Hopes and Fears - Keane
• Rebel Sweetheart - The Wallflowers
• Face the Truth - Stephen Malkmus
• You're a Woman, I'm a Machine - Death From Above, 1979
• Howl - Black Rebel Motorcycle Club

I'm sure there are others that I can't think of right now, but these are the ones that didn't leave the cd player in my car for 2 weeks once I got them (unless of course it was to take them inside to listen to them in my room).

If you're looking for some new music (and you like the bands I've listed on my profile), you probably won't go wrong by picking up one of these.

You're welcome!

The Grinch

My son (the 9 year old) wanted a notebook for Christmas, but not just any notebook, a special kind of bungee notebook. He even asked Santa for one, plus he went to the store with my sister after Thanksgiving and pointed out the exact one that he wanted. It was such a simple present that of course I bought it for him. He was happy to get it, and even brought it with him to my parents' house.

I was just looking through Christmas pictures with my kids and my sister when he pointed it out in one of the photos. I explained to him how I knew it was the one he wanted because my sister had shown me at the store the next time we went (without the kids). He got a confused look on his face and said, "but Dad, Santa brought that to me."

"Oh crap!" I thought, but instead said "Yeah, maybe we should have a talk about that. You know that Santa's not real, right? It's just me and your mom that buy the stuff."

He didn't know. He even started crying. It made me feel like a heartless jerk. I explained to him about how it doesn't change anything for Christmas other than the fact that he no longer has to worry about being good all year in order to get presents, and that it would still be exciting to see his younger brother get excited about it. He was still a little upset, but is ok with it now, once I explained to him about how he doesn't want to be the nerd in his class who all the other kids make fun of because he still believes.

I still feel like the grinch who stole Christmas. I should have waited another year to tell him, it's just that I slipped up, got caught, and figured it was easier to tell the truth rather than come up with another explanation about how I'd gotten confused or something. I guess kids have to grow up sometime though.

Lunch

My mom fixed lunch today and called us in when it was ready. My dad walked in and said, "Well this is interesting."

My 3 year old replied, "No, it's SOUP!"

The Stars Aligned

I've introduced my kids to the game of Scrabble (I figure it's probably better for their minds than the PS2). It's kind of a tradition in our family to play it whenever a few of us get together. My mom has an amazing vocabulary so is pretty difficult to beat. However, today I scored higher than her every time we played. I was even able to play all 7 of my letters in two consecutive games and got the 50 bonus points added on to my score for those each time (the words FLAMINGO and BOOSTING in case you're wondering). It's almost a shame that I wasn't working on anything productive. I probably could have come up with a cure for AIDS, or solved world hunger. Maybe even both.

The Hungarian

To revisit an old theme, I'm presenting yet more evidence to support Native Minnow's theory of his own sexiness.

The first line of evidence is on ratemyprofessor.com. A web site where students are able to go and post comments about professors they've had for college classes. Other students can then go read these comments to help them make a decision about what professors to try and take the classes from. While I'm not a professor, I have taught a couple of introductory classes, and a lot of labs. Apparently this site allows people to post comments about TA's so I have had some of my students post comments about me. It's a little flattering because I have a pretty high approval rating, but the best part is that they allow students to post a chili pepper next to a professor's name if they think that person is hot. I have a chili pepper next to my name, and one of the students ended their post with "plus he's kinda cute."

I do have to point out that it apparently isn't just females that find me sexy. I should have told this story much earlier, but it didn't occur to me until now so here goes:

About a year and a half ago I was leaving my office to go home and get something to eat. As I got to my car I had a guy approach me and ask me for a ride. I felt bad for the guy since it was about 115 degrees outside (Vegas in the summer time is not a fun place to be), so I went against my better judgement and told him that as long as he was going somewhere nearby that I could give him a lift. He got in the car and began to strike up some conversation as I drove away. I wasn't really thinking at first, but it occurred to me after a few blocks that he still hadn't told me where he was going, so I asked.

"Wherever you're going is fine."

This set off alarms in my head, but then I told myself I was overreacting and that I'd just seen too many Kids in the Hall skits where gay guys use that as a pick up line. I didn't really know where to go, but I did know that I wasn't taking this guy to my house, so I just kept driving while thinking about how to get out of the situation I had gotten myself into. Then we had the following exchange:

Him: "So [Native Minnow], what's your ethnicity?"
Me: "Uh, I'm white."
Him: "No, I mean where are your ancestors from?"
Me: "Mostly from Scotland and England. How about you (still trying to be nice)?"
Him: "Hungary. Get it? Hung?"

Now the fire alarms were going off in my head. I should have stopped the car right then and told him to get out, but I'm too nice for that so figured I needed to take him back to the place where I picked him up, but I had told him I was going for dinner, so felt like I needed to go get some food so that my story didn't change either. I decided I would stop by a fast food place, and there was a KFC nearby so I headed in that direction. I did start talking about my girlfriend (at the time we were still going out), my kids and my ex-wife, just to get it across to him that I wasn't gay. I stopped and got some food and headed back towards my office. At this point he started pulling out all the tricks that I can only assume would work on other gay males. He talked about how he liked living in Vegas except he didn't like having sweaty balls all the time (not sure how I was supposed to respond to that one, so I just kept driving). He asked if he could come back to my office with me, and whether or not I had internet there (which I could only assume was so we could look up gay porn). Then we had another interesting exchange:

Him: "So do you have any nicknames [Native Minnow]?"
Me: "Nope."
Him: "So what do people call you?"
Me: "Just [Native Minnow]."
Him: "Really? People don't come up and say 'What's up Big D?' Because you look like the Big D type."

*edit* My real name does start with a D.

Yikes! I couldn't get back to my office fast enough. Once we parked though, he acted like he was going to follow me there, so I decided to go share my food with a friend of mine who had been teaching labs all day. I walked in while she was giving a practical final, which confused her about why I would be interrupting something so important. I walked to the front of the room, showed her the bag of food and said, "I brought you some food in case you want it, but more importantly, there's a gay guy who is trying to pick up on me and I can't get rid of him." She told me that she suspected some of her students of cheating so said I could stay and watch them with her. I did that until he went away (he was waiting in the hall for a little while).

It's a really funny story to look back on now, but it certainly wasn't very funny at the time. I decided that would be the last time I was going to be nice to strangers. Nevertheless, still more evidence to the fact that I am indeed a sexy man.

Kids Trivia

My kids were playing a trivia game today. Here are two of the answers they gave that cracked me up.

What name was given to the 11 states that left the Union in 1860 and 1861?

My son: Mexico

Who was George Washington's First Lady?

My daughter: Mrs. Washington

Most Awkward Christmas Moment

Ever since my ex-wife and I split up we have tried to remain friends in order to do what is best for the kids. Since we both enjoy watching the looks on our kids' faces when they're opening presents, we've tried to have Christmas morning together even though things didn't work out between the two of us. That way neither of us has to miss out on anything, at least not when it comes to opening presents on Christmas morning. It was a bit odd this year though because this is the first year that my ex has actually been living with her boyfriend. I had a rather awkward moment when my ex opened up the present shown here (photo taken by her boyfriend, not me). Especially since it was given to her by MY MOM! In my mom's defense, she wasn't thinking about it as lingerie but rather as a nice set of pajamas that happened to be my ex's favorite color. Rest assured that if any of my kids get divorced, their ex-spouse will NOT get anything that could be used in the bedroom as a present from me. Even if it is their favorite color.

The Bright Side

I was thinking about some of the benefits of not being the custodial parent when Christmas comes around. See the list below (in no particular order):

• I don't have to worry about getting a Christmas tree and setting it up so that it's straight (nearly impossible to do without magic powers).
• It looks more impressive to the kids when I pull up and start unloading all the presents from the trunk of my car than it does if I'm living there and only bringing them in the house a few at a time.
• I don't have to worry about where to hide the presents from Santa so the kids don't find them before Christmas.
• No worrying about what old toys the kids need to get rid of to clear out space for the new ones.
• I don't always have to get on the kids about trying to peek at their presents if I'm not there to see them do it.
• I can take the kids to their grandparents' house for a week, and drop them off at home just in time for them to start whining and fighting with each other.
• I can buy annoying toys, yet still not be annoyed by them.

Dear Santa,

I seem to have forgotten about how magical Christmas can feel to a kid. Especially to one that still believes in Santa Claus. I spent yesterday with my kids, and it was really cute to see how excited they were that it was Christmas Eve. Especially the two boys since they're the only ones that still believe in Santa (my 9 year old has been told, but he still wants to believe so we didn't press it this year).

We went to the store to pick up one last minute item that their Grandpa wasn't able to find for Grandma. Then I took them back to their house and we watched 'A Christmas Story.' We made cookies for Santa Claus and my 9 year old left this note:

Dear Santa,
I hope you like the cookies. We made them ourselves. You should also check out the statue by the plate. I hope you're not offended.

Then all my kids signed it.

The statue that he referred to was a little 18 inch Santa statue that dances and raps when you press a button in its hand. It really did get annoying after about the 100th time my 3 year old pressed the button to show it to me. It's easy to see how Santa could be offended, but the cutest thing was that he actually cared whether Santa would be offended. I thought about Christmas Eve when I was young and about how we would get so excited that we wouldn't be able to fall asleep. Now I find myself trying to hurry the kids to bed so that I can put the presents out. I still have fun watching my kids open everything up on Christmas morning, but it's definitely not the same feeling. The magic is definitely gone.

Mayday, Mayday

I flew an airplane today. It was really cool. My brother-in-law is a pilot, and owns a flying service, and my sister just quit her job to go to work for him. I stayed at their house last night and went out to the airport to hang out for a while after I did some Christmas shopping earlier in the day. I only anticipated staying there for about an hour or so, but then we had the following exchange:

Him: "Do you want to go flying today?"
Me: "Of course I do."
Him: "Ok, you'll just have to wait until this plane comes back and I'll have one of my instructors take you up."
Me: "Ok, as long as you're sure."
Him: "It'll be fine."

So I hung around for about another hour, then he had one of his guys take me up. He walked me through the pre-flight check list and kind of showed me how stuff works (meaning I watched while he did everything). Then it was time to get in the plane. He started it up and explained to me how it was going to work, then we took off and I got to fly all around the valley. There's really not a whole lot to it, I think a three year old could manage it once the plane is in the air, but it was an amazing feeling looking down at the valley and all the little buildings and cars.

The pilot who had just returned with the plane was complaining about the autopilot not working properly, so he showed me how that worked and how to make the plane follow the GPS unit. Really cool stuff. We stayed in the air for about 45 minutes (15 minutes longer than the standard intro flight because my brother-in-law is cool like that) and then he walked me through the landing. It's surprisingly not that scary when you know there is someone else who can take over the controls at any moment (and he did).

It was a beautiful day. Apparently one of the few where there wasn't any inversion here in the valley so we could actually see for quite some distance. I'm totally hooked, now I want to get my pilot's license. There's just that little matter of coming up with the $6000 to do so.

Hooray for me!!!

I got some GREAT news today. The manuscript from my masters work has finally been accepted for publication. It only took me 3 1/2 years after graduating to get to this point but hey, I'm not going to complain now, it's accepted! I guess that goes to show that you can take something that makes hardly any sense at all, revise it approximately 20 times, and turn it into something that the scientific community might possibly value. I certainly hope that's the case, but I won't know until I see if people are citing it in their own manuscripts. What a huge relief to have that off my mind though. Now I just have to move on to the next one (that also should have been published ~3 years ago). Wish me luck.

A Poem?

I don't know if you can really call this a poem, but thought I'd post it anyway as a testament to the fact that I am indeed nuts. I wrote it a few months ago, but haven't gotten the courage to post it until now. I hope none of you think I'm retarded, but here goes:

A freak farm accident, lost the skin off his arm.
Photos make me less queasy than thinking about Her kissing someone else.

Should it bother me?
What is wrong with me?
Am I really this crazy?

Short answer - YES!

Should I bring it up? Express the way I feel?
Ask why she talks to me still?
Am I imagining her interest, reading things into what she says,
or is it real?

Do I follow the advice I've gotten?
Leave that girl alone . . .
You're setting yourself up . . .
You need to quit!

Can I?
I don't know.

Lazy Me

I am the epitome of what a grad student should NOT be. I haven't done anything productive in five days now. I know it's the holidays, but I've actually been going in to work, and still haven't been doing anything. This morning I went in late because I had to stop by my insurance agent's office and change my policy. Once I got to the office I spent the rest of the morning wasting time online and talking to the departmental secretaries. Then it was time for lunch, and I spent the afternoon trying to finish up my Christmas shopping. I'm not sure I was successful. I think I still need to buy my sons each one more gift. I need to write down a list of everything I've purchased to make sure that each of my kids gets the same amount of stuff. As far as work goes, I guess there's always tomorrow. And if I don't get anything done then, I may just leave to go on vacation a few days earlier than planned. I'll let you know how it all turns out.

Last Minute Gift Idea

If you're looking for the perfect stocking stuffer, allow me to make a suggestion. This pink statue here is called 'Answer Me Jesus' and it works just like a magic eight ball. You ask it questions, then turn it over to see what your answer is, except the standard magic eight ball responses have been replaced with things such as "Let me ask my dad," "Yee of little faith (yes, the word ye is spelled wrong)," "Pray harder," and "I died for this?" You can get it at Urban Outfitters (and no, I don't get any commission from them). A friend of mine got it as a white elephant gift (even though it's pink?) and I can assure you that it provided us with hours of entertainment. (note: it's even funnier if you aren't afraid of sacrelege).

Headin' to the Poor House

I believe that this is the latest in the season that I have ever had the majority of my holiday shopping left to do. I normally try to finish up early and have most of my stuff purchased by a week after Thanksgiving. Every year I tell myself that I'm going to start picking things up throughout the year so that I won't have to spend a ton of extra money in December, but never seem to get that done. So here I am sitting here with a ton of shopping to do, and very little money in my checking account. I suppose of the two things I miss about my old job, having the extra money to spend around Christmas time sure did come in handy (the other would be the health and dental insurance). This year I think I'm going to have to take some money out of savings and hope that my tax return is big enough to replace it. That's probably not the smartest attitude to have towards money, but I'd hate for my kids to have a crappy Christmas. I'm sure they would hate that too.

Abraham Simpson

"My story begins back in 19 dickity two. We had to say dickity back then because the Kaiser had stolen our word 20. I chased that rascal to get it back, but gave up after dickity 6 miles."

Flying Post 9-11

I made it through airport security in record times both when I was leaving town this weekend and when I was flying back. Both times I arrived at the airport about an hour and twenty minutes before my flight, and both times I was sitting at the gate waiting to board within about ten minutes. I wish I knew how to time it better though, especially since on the way back that meant I could have spent another hour with my kids. Of course, I suppose it would work the opposite way if I were to push my luck and I'd end up missing my plane.

As I was undressing to go through the metal detector without setting off any alarms I couldn't help but think that it probably wasn't doing a whole lot to prevent another terrorist attack. In reality, I think that all of these things have been put into place so that everyone will think that the government is doing something. I think the response to Hurricane Katrina has shown otherwise. Don't you think that if there is going to be another major attack that they are going to go with something that we aren't expecting? I know that the levees that broke in New Orleans did so because of the hurricane, but something along those lines is exactly what I would expect the terrorists to try next. Imagine that the levees in New Orleans had been bombed instead, would the results have been any less drastic? I think the death toll would have been about the same, but somehow I think the government would have responded a lot quicker in that scenario.

Unfortunately, I don't know what the answers are, or where exactly the resources ought to be placed. There certainly aren't enough of them to go around to prepare for everything that could possibly be thrown our way. I'm hoping that we won't see another terrorist attack like the one on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon, but I'm guessing that Al-Qaida isn't going to stop trying to come up with new ways to get us. I'm just not sure that installing a few extra metal detectors is going to be enough to prevent them from being successful. Hopefully I'm wrong.

In a Bind

I don't know what the reason is, but lately I've been running across a lot of people that I haven't seen in a while. Part of that means that I've been getting asked about relationships and whether or not I'm in one. I realize that this is just part of catching up on things so it doesn't bother me. Who knows, maybe someday I'll be able to tell them about the lovely girl that I'm seeing, but that would require that I actually start seeing one.

It's not that there aren't girls out there who develop crushes on me, it's just that my standards are pretty high with regards to what I'll accept. I've been told to stop being so picky, but I don't see why I should if it means I'll end up with someone I believe to be subpar. Without going into the details here, I think that I may have enough restrictions to ensure that I will in fact be single for the remainder of my life. That's something I'm coming to terms with.

I was relaying this information to a friend of mine I bumped into yesterday. We haven't seen each other in a while, so the relationship topic came up.

She responded with the following words:

"You're kind of in a difficult situation when it comes to finding someone, aren't you? On one hand you don't want to date someone my age (she's a bit younger than me) who's young and doesn't know what the hell they want. But on the other hand, you don't want someone your own age because chances are there's something wrong with them. Otherwise they would have found someone by now. Chances are that they aren't going to be in that minority of people who have just had bad luck and never found the right person. Most of them are definitely going to have problems."

Thanks for the encouragement.

(to her credit, she does seem to think that I am in the minority of people my age who are normal and have just had bad luck. I don't agree with that, I think I'm crazy, but as a wise man once said to me "as long as you think you might be crazy, you're probably ok. Crazy people never think there's anything wrong with them.")

30 going on 60

I've often said that mentally I am much younger than my actual age, but physically much older. This is because I still think like a teenager, but have the body of an old man. This was verified this weekend when I threw out my back because I was coughing too hard. I haven't been able to walk very well for two days. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to see my doctor about getting a pacemaker installed, and to find out where we're at on scheduling that hip replacement.

Religion on Campus

I was walking across campus with a couple of my friends today when we passed a woman who was handing out pamphlets. We didn't take one, but the bag hanging off her shoulder identified her as a member of the group Jews for Jesus.

My friend made the comment "I saw what they did to him the first time around. It's kind of hard to apologize for that isn't it?"

My other friend added "I don't get Christians. On one hand they're upset about Him being killed, but on the other hand they say it was necessary in order for everyone to be saved. Make up your f**king minds people."

I never said that my friends were politically correct.

More at Peace

I went to my ex-wife's family Christmas party yesterday. It was kind of crazy. There are ten kids in her family, and all but one of them is married with kids of their own. Needless to say, there were a lot of people around the house. It was a little wierd when I first walked in since I haven't seen many of these people since my ex and I split up, but I think they were happy to see me.

Their mom was resting when I first arrived so I spent the first hour catching up with everyone. It made me realize how out of touch my ex is with her family, because most of them had no idea that I was living in Vegas (3 1/2 years now), or working on a Ph D. One of them thought that I already was remarried and another thought I was about to get remarried (hell no). Somebody else acted surprised when I told them I had completed my masters degree (even though I only had a semester left when we split up). In their defense, it's entirely possible that they had been told all that information at some point and just forgotten because it's been so long.

I was a little bit surprised when their mom felt rested enough to visit with people because she sent someone downstairs and told them that she wanted to talk to me first. I went up and sat on her bed, gave her a hug and told her I was sorry to hear about her condition. She just smiled and told me that it would be ok. She asked me about what I was up to (school and teaching labs), how close I was to finishing my degree (hopefully 2 yrs), whether or not I was getting married (I really don't know where that one came from - someone must have been making some assumptions, of course I guess I can understand that if they all thought I was still involved with my old girlfriend), etc.

She also asked me what I thought about my ex's new boyfriend. I told her that I liked him a lot. He seems to be really good with the kids, and they seem to think very highly of him. My ex seems to be happy now, and he's not a loser like most of the other guys she's dated since we split up. I told her I was happy that my ex had found someone who seemed to be able to get along with her, but that I'm positive that I would still be better in the sack (ok, so I made that last part up - just seeing if you're still paying attention). I spent about 15 minutes talking to her, but didn't want to take up all her time as all her kids and grandkids were wanting to spend some time with her too. She told me that she loved me, and that she was really happy that my ex and I had been able to put all the bad stuff behind us and remain friends because that makes it easier for the kids. All in all it was a good chat, and she seems to be very at peace with what is going on.

She's very brave, and may have just been putting on a good face in order to make it easier on her family. If that's the case, it must be working because she managed to make me feel a lot better about it than I did before. Hopefully she'll make her family feel the same way.

Can't Sleep

I just want to go on the record as saying that I can't freakin' stand insomnia. This will be the second night in a row that I haven't been able to sleep. I think that having a cold is definitely playing a role, but I'm more stressed out about my ex's mom than anything else. I'm going to visit her later on today, but I don't know what to say or do. They are having a family Christmas party and she told my ex to invite me to it. It could be wierd, but I think I need to show my support to her family (and more importantly, my kids) at this time. I don't know what I'm going to say to her. I'll probably just have to let her know how sorry I am that all this is happening and leave it at that. I hate being powerless to do anything that could possibly help. I've never really been good at saying goodbye, and that's even when it isn't going to be permanent.

I think that times like this it's good that I have a religious upbringing though. I operate under the assumption that there is an afterlife, and that she's going to a better place. She's a good woman, and has definitely tried to live her life the right way. I believe that her family will have the opportunity to be together again, which I'm hoping will bring them all some level of comfort. I know they all could use some of that right now.

I'm the jerk on the plane

I flew to Salt Lake City from Vegas last night as I had wedding to go to today at Temple Square. I've been sick the past few days with a cough that's been getting progressively worse and moved down into my chest. However, I already paid for the ticket and it was non-refundable so I wasn't about to take a loss on it. Especially since I had already rescheduled the flight once before and had to pay a $50 fee to the airline because of it. Instead of being a nice guy, and staying home so as not to get everyone sick, I took a double dose of my cough suppressant and had a friend drop me off at the airport. Luckily this strategy paid off, and I was able to make it through the entire flight without any violent fits of coughing. I know I ran the risk of making the people I was sitting next to sick, but at least this way if they come down with it they won't be able to pinpoint me and curse my name, even if I was the jerk that gave it to them.

So Sorry Carol

I got a horrible phone call today. My ex-wife called to tell me that her mother had gone to the hospital because her appendix burst, but while they were removing it they found that she had cancer in her stomach lining. It's very advanced. The doctors said there was nothing they could do to save her and will basically send her home to die. They told her that she probably only had a few weeks to live, and that chemotherapy would possibly prolong her life, but that she would suffer a lot more and it wouldn't be enough to help her beat the cancer so she's not even going to try it.

I don't know how to react. I haven't spoken to her in more than a year because I feel a little awkward talking to my ex-wife's family members. It's not that they hate me or anything like that, in fact I think most of them were upset at my ex when we split up, but I don't feel like it's my place to call them all the time and fill them in on what I've been up to. But the simple fact is, she was my mother-in-law for 8 years, and perhaps more importantly, my kids' grandma. I don't know how to prepare them for the fact that they are going to lose her, and soon. They're old enough to understand death, but I don't know how well equipped they are going to be to deal with this loss.

The thing that makes me the saddest is knowing that there have been a lot of missed opportunities for my kids to get close to their grandmother. For reasons that I don't intend to get into here, my ex-wife and her mother have not always been on the best of terms. As a result, they haven't spent a lot of time together even though they've been living in the same city for the past couple of years. It's been a sore point between me and my ex because I've felt that even though she and her mom have had their differences, that she shouldn't let those come in between her mom and our kids. She's almost always agreed with me on that, but still has rarely taken the kids over there to visit. Now it's too late for my kids to form some of the happy memories that they could have had. I hope that they don't hold it against us as they get older.

The one positive thing that I can get from all of this is that it's bringing their family back together. There are ten kids in that family, and some of them haven't spoken to each other for ten years or more. I think that they're all coming back to spend as much time with their mom as they can before she goes. I know that if she feels that her family is whole again then at least she will die happy. I certainly hope that's the case.

My ex told me today that she had been meaning to call her mom to tell her that all was forgiven. Now she wishes she had, because it would have seemed more sincere then. I'd encourage anyone reading this to make sure that your loved ones know that you love them. Life is too short to hold grudges. If there is someone dear in your life who you're harboring resentment towards, find it in your heart to forgive them, and let them know that you have, while you still have that chance. Not everyone gets a few weeks warning to set things straight.

True Player

I ran into a former student of mine yesterday and we got on the subject of relationships. She's just broken up with her boyfriend so was feeling pretty down. I tried to give her some encouragement about how things will get better in time, she'll find someone new, etc. but I doubt it did much to cheer her up.

She asked me about how my relationships were going I told her that I didn't have any, but that there was a girl I'm interested in. I just don't know if there's much chance for it to go anywhere. She replied to this by calling me a player. Apparently in her opinion I haven't waited long enough to even be thinking about a new girlfriend. I'm not sure exactly what the right amount of time is, but I'm pretty sure that since it's been nearly 15 months since the last time I've even seen my ex-girlfriend, it's been plenty of time. If anyone has any tips on exactly what the appropriate amount of time to wait is, by all means clue me in.

After this girl called me a player I reminded her that in order to be a player, I would actually have to get women. Since that doesn't seem to be the case, I don't really think the word applies. I guess that like everything else there are people who are good at what they do, and people who aren't. It's possible that I am indeed a player, just not a very good one.

Another Birthday

I went to dinner with some of my friends again. One of them had a birthday. When we walked into the restaurant we must have walked through a portal into an alternate universe. How do I know this? Because we were seated at a table that was next to a fire, and all the guys were at just the right temperature, but all the girls were complaining about it being too hot.

Rockin' the Suburbs?

I really enjoy music. I just don't enjoy most of the music that you hear on the radio these days. Maybe I'm just getting old, but I'm pretty sure that most of the music out there sucks. That's not to say that there aren't good bands putting out music, it's just that it's hard to find them because they don't get much air time.

I envy rock stars. I spent a lot of time as a teenager dreaming about becoming a rock star. The money would certainly be nice, as would having women throw themselves at you (that would be really nice). But even without that, I think that it would be an amazing feeling to take the stage while a crowd of thousands of people starts screaming. I suppose the same would go for being a star athlete, but I've always known that I didn't have that kind of talent.

When I was in elementary school my mom had us join the chorus, and then would ask us to sing any time we were around other family members. I think there are still some tape recordings floating around my parents' house somewhere, and they would always tell us how good we sounded (I know it's good to try and build up your kids' self esteem, but I was definitely lied to in this case). After this kind of attention, I actually started to believe that I could carry a tune and used to come up with scenarios in which some record producer would be on vacation and overhear me singing as I stocked the cooler at work (or something like that). I just knew that I would be offered a record deal on the spot. It's pretty funny to think about now.

What I'm getting at is that I can understand why thousands of people would line up for tryouts to get their chance at being a pop star. But that doesn't make it right that American Idol is now getting ready to begin ANOTHER season. I hate that show. I hate almost all of the reality shows on t.v. now, but this one is especially bad. Maybe it's because I can just choose not to watch the others, but with this one, once a season is over I am forced to listen to another crappy set of songs playing on the radio FOR THE NEXT YEAR OR SO. I personally think that it should take more than just the talent to sing to make it as a star. I'm not as impressed when someone is just belting out the words that others have written for them as I am when someone, whose voice may not be the best, is singing something that they have had the talent to write themselves. I'd much rather listen to someone who is singing about something they wrote while drawing upon their own experiences and feelings than someone who is singing something written because a group of people in a boardroom sat around and tried to come up with something that would sell. I don't think I'm alone in having this attitude, but it seems like people who think like me on this are getting to be more and more of a minority.

I'm just really thankful for some of the internet radio stations, or for my friends which subscribe to satellite radio from SIRIUS. There is good music out there, and places like that make it easier to find. I'll definitely subscribe to one of those once I have a real job and can afford some of the 'finer' things in life. I can hardly wait.

Isn't that what he said?

My 3 year old son was playing with his toys yesterday. My other son asked him if he was having fun.

"I'm not having fun, I'm playing with my toys."

Thanks for clarifying that for us.

It's good that I'm a biologist

These are actual lyrics from a song I was just listening to in my car:

"blah blah blah blah blah blaaaah
blah blah blah blah blah blaaaah
blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blaaaaah"

It's not a bad song. In fact I like it. But it just shows why I'd never make a good musician. I would never think to sing something like that at the end of the song. I'd be lousy at trying to figure out exactly which parts of a song needed some oooooohs or sha la la's too.

That and the fact that I can't sing or play any musical instruments.

Lost Treasure

Same bag of Tootsie Pops yielded another buried treasure. Unfortunately, this time my friend saw it first and was able to grab it. I guess you can't win all the time : (

Holiday Blues

I don't fully understand all the reasons why, but I seem to have to fight depression more around the holidays than I do at other times of the year. In the past I've been able to get around it by keeping extremely busy. Since I'm a student, finals week is usually enough of a stressor to keep me busy. On top of that I used to work for a shipping company where we would be completely swamped around Christmas time. Fortunately, the worst days didn't hit until after finals were over. This year I don't have any finals, nor do I have to work at that stupid job anymore (a major decrease in the amount of stress in my life I might add). The downside to that is that I probably have a little more free time where I can think about things. I try to keep myself busy to prevent that from happening, but I'm not always successful.

Another part of it is the fact that I don't really have that 'special someone' to spend my free time with. It definitely hits me more since my ex-wife and I split up. It's not that I'm sitting around longing for those days either. Truth is, I'm happier now than I was then. I'm most definitely less stressed out. But there is something to be said about having someone to talk to every day when you get home (and by that I mean other than my roommate or his dog). I'm not sure if it's my lifestyle as a student, or just the nature of Vegas as a city, but I don't really meet new people very often. There are plenty of girls that are nice to look at, but there's not a lot more to them than that. They certainly aren't the kind you would consider taking home to meet the family, even if you could strike up an intelligent conversation with them (no offense to this girl in the picture, I was just going for something representative of Vegas).

It's almost enough to make a guy walk into a place and scream out the Ryan Adams lyric "Does anybody wanna take me home?" (it sounds better when he sings it). You know, just in case there are any takers. It could take my mind off things.