Wednesday, February 25, 2009

I am trying to break your heart

[And now, once again, it's time for some relationship advice from the last person in the world who ought to be dispensing relationship advice.]

Things not to say to your significant other*:

- I'm sorry. I wanted so much more, but instead I settled for you.
- I've never, not once, found you attractive.
- Your voice grates on my nerves.
- I'm only with you because I felt sorry for you.
- What do I see in her? Well, for starters, she's pretty.
- Go ahead, do it, and I'll break your fucking head open.

*Unless you want the relationship to end right then.


AnoMALIE said...

I've been guilty of spewing a few of these before... the last one is dead-on AnoMALIE-style.
[Anger management? What the hell is that?]

These rules should have been shared with me wayyy sooner. said... this published somewhere? Why was I not told that there was a fucking manual???

Anonymous said...

number three will be true at some time. so will number five. sweet.

Manuel said..., as I have said before, are a class act. heh

Bill From Gainesville said...

Thanks for the tips I am doing good right now in ending relationships all by myself though

Scarlet said...

#1 is spectacularly BAD to say if you:

A. Just had sex
B. Proposed marriage a few hours earlier (hence, the sex)

Not that I personally have ever heard ANY of these words uttered ....
*cough, wheeze, choke*

BSH ADMIN said...

I disagree-- it's super hot when my boyfriend* says "Go ahead, do it, and I'll break your fucking head open."

*fine, fine, my IMAGINARY boyfriend, Christian Bale.

Jet Pass said...

I've said half, had half said to me. I with none of those people.

Heff said...

I've said AT LEAST one of those before.