It shouldn't come as a big surprise that I hate most meetings. I was in a particularly boring one the other day, so I started texting the ridiculous things the woman was saying to my friend.
I followed those up with two more texts:
Why should I have to suffer alone?
I can't take it anymore. I'm about to stab myself in the eye.
He responded with: Don't stab your eye. Blind some other fucker in the room.
Alas, I didn't have anything sharp.