Reasons why the Republican Party thinks Sarah Palin is more qualified than me when it comes to foreign policy experience:
- She can see Russia from Alaska if she wants to.
Reasons why I am also qualified to be Vice President if lame crap like that counts:
- I knew where LIbya was on a map at pub trivia the other night.
- Sometimes I eat sandwiches with Swiss cheese on them.
- I like red Swedish fish the best, but have eaten all the different colors.
- I love me some German chocolate cake.
- I spent a day in Tijuana when I was seventeen.
- A gay "Hungarian" hit on me once.
Showing posts with label The Hungarian. Show all posts
Showing posts with label The Hungarian. Show all posts
Monday, September 15, 2008
Thursday, November 08, 2007
Hate to see you lyin' there in your Superman skivvies. Lyin' on the floor, lyin' on the floor I've come undone.
The other day I ran into a friend as I was walking across campus. She was on her way to the mall to pick up something to wear to a pajama party that her employer is throwing this Saturday. All proceeds are going to help the victims of the California wildfires. Obviously, she works there, so she has to go, but I've been thinking about going too. The problem is, I generally don't wear pajamas, so I'd need to buy some first. With this in mind, and a knowledge of my general aversion to doing anything productive during the work day, she was able to convince me to head to the mall with her by telling me she had to be back in an hour.
I thought we were just going to make a quick trip through a department store or two, but that's because I'm a guy, and I've forgotten how women shop. We walked through Dillard's and didn't even look for the pajama section in ladies' wear.
Me: We just walked through the entire store. Didn't you want to stop and look here?
Her: Eh. If I can't find anything anywhere else we can stop here on the way back.
Me: Ok.
We walked a little way through the mall and then she said, "Here we are." Then she walked into Frederick's of Hollywood. She looked around for a while and found a few things that she liked, but then couldn't settle on a color, mainly because she didn't know what shoes she had that she could wear with it. So, we left the store without buying anything.
We walked a little further and then she kind of pushed me into a Victoria's Secret store.
Her: I know, it's a rough day. I can hear it now. "What did you do today?" "Oh, it was terrible. I had to go to Frederick's of Hollywood and Victoria's Secret with a girl."
That's a fair point.
Anyway, there really wasn't much there. Or should I say, there wasn't much there that she would actually wear. There was a lot of stuff that looked like something a ten year old girl would wear. It was pretty creepy. There were a few things that looked like what they had in the first store, but there was still the issue of footwear. So, we set off to find some.
We went to another department store and found some slippers that matched a silk robe they had at Frederick's, and they had hard soles, so she figured they'd match and be practical enough for work. She bought those and we went back to Frederick's for the silk robe.
There was still time before she had to be back, so as we walked back through Dillard's on the way to the car she asked if I wanted to go look for something too.
Me: Sure, why not?
Then we walked through the store looking for the men's pajamas. We walked for a little while and didn't see any, so I stopped and asked a salesperson where I could find some.
Her (pointing at a rack directly behind me): Um. They're right there.
I'm very observant.
The selection was very slim. I looked over several racks and didn't find anything that even looked comfortable, let alone in the colors or patterns I'd consider buying. Then my friend pointed at the back wall.
Her: Oh, right there. I see the perfect thing for you.
Me: Where?
Her (pointing): The tuxedo one.
Me: I don't see it.
Her: Oh, you will.
(Then I saw it)
Her: I'd pay good money to see you wear that.
Me: Yeah, well you'd be getting ripped off.
I'm pretty sure the Hungarian would have liked to see me wear that too.
I thought we were just going to make a quick trip through a department store or two, but that's because I'm a guy, and I've forgotten how women shop. We walked through Dillard's and didn't even look for the pajama section in ladies' wear.
Me: We just walked through the entire store. Didn't you want to stop and look here?
Her: Eh. If I can't find anything anywhere else we can stop here on the way back.
Me: Ok.
We walked a little way through the mall and then she said, "Here we are." Then she walked into Frederick's of Hollywood. She looked around for a while and found a few things that she liked, but then couldn't settle on a color, mainly because she didn't know what shoes she had that she could wear with it. So, we left the store without buying anything.
We walked a little further and then she kind of pushed me into a Victoria's Secret store.
Her: I know, it's a rough day. I can hear it now. "What did you do today?" "Oh, it was terrible. I had to go to Frederick's of Hollywood and Victoria's Secret with a girl."
That's a fair point.
Anyway, there really wasn't much there. Or should I say, there wasn't much there that she would actually wear. There was a lot of stuff that looked like something a ten year old girl would wear. It was pretty creepy. There were a few things that looked like what they had in the first store, but there was still the issue of footwear. So, we set off to find some.
We went to another department store and found some slippers that matched a silk robe they had at Frederick's, and they had hard soles, so she figured they'd match and be practical enough for work. She bought those and we went back to Frederick's for the silk robe.
There was still time before she had to be back, so as we walked back through Dillard's on the way to the car she asked if I wanted to go look for something too.
Me: Sure, why not?
Then we walked through the store looking for the men's pajamas. We walked for a little while and didn't see any, so I stopped and asked a salesperson where I could find some.
Her (pointing at a rack directly behind me): Um. They're right there.
I'm very observant.
The selection was very slim. I looked over several racks and didn't find anything that even looked comfortable, let alone in the colors or patterns I'd consider buying. Then my friend pointed at the back wall.
Her: Oh, right there. I see the perfect thing for you.
Me: Where?
Her (pointing): The tuxedo one.
Me: I don't see it.
Her: Oh, you will.
(Then I saw it)
Her: I'd pay good money to see you wear that.
Me: Yeah, well you'd be getting ripped off.
I'm pretty sure the Hungarian would have liked to see me wear that too.
Saturday, December 16, 2006
Csumidam me tyiro jilo, Ale pasa mande!
The following is an email* that was sent out by one of my 'friends.' It was originally sent to the University community to advertise a performance of the arts, but he modified the language and sent it out to a group of my friends in order to poke some fun at me (if you haven't heard the story about the Hungarian, click here for a little bit of background before reading further).
Without further ado, here's the email:
[Native Minnow] is proud to present the Hungarian State Folk Ensemble, featuring "The Hungarian" and a rich and colorful repertoire of folk dances and stunning costumes from Hungary and Hungary-inhabited areas, including The Free Zone, Gypsies, and the Blue Oyster Bar. This extravaganza takes place at 8 p.m. on Thursday, January 18 as part of the [Native Minnow] Master Series. Established in 2002 and arguably the queerest folkloric dance ensemble in the world, the Hungarian State Folk Ensemble has performed in 44 gay bars and barns across four continents and won the admiration of more than 7.5 pillow-biters.
The group’s choreographies are all based on authentic Hungarian bone-smoking techniques, some of them collected in isolated villages with smoking elements dating back hundreds of years. The extraordinary folk music that inspired George Michael, Elton John, and Neil Patrick Harris is put on stage by both the Folk Orchestra and the world-famous Lance Bass Gypsy Orchestra. The Folk Orchestra plays authentic, traditional instruments, like the skin flute, while the Gypsy Orchestra plays both dance accompaniments (orgies) and performs alone (auto-coitus). Their rich repertoire includes folk music that inspired Hungarian and international classical ass-bandits.
Kentucky Fried Chicken will be available at the door and moist towlettes will be provided in the event that sweaty balls are an issue to any patron. Tickets to the Hungarian State Folk Ensemble are $40 (free bj included), $55 (free rim job), and $85 (fisting optional) and can be purchased at the Performing Arts Center Box Office at 895-ARTS (2787) or by visiting [Native Minnow] in the parking lot next to his car, a maroon Mercury Mystique affectionately called the Gaytto Schled**.
*Please note that the terminology used in this email does not reflect my personal views. I promise that I don't use slanderous terms such as 'pillow-biter,' I'm just showing you some of the crap I put up with.
** This is a play on words from when my car was missing half its hubcaps and I used to refer to it as the ghetto sled. Since then, I've replaced the hubcaps, and hence no longer refer to my car in such a derogatory fashion, but this particular friend of mine still does.
Without further ado, here's the email:
[Native Minnow] Presents
The Hungarian State Folk Ensemble Jan. 18
[Native Minnow] is proud to present the Hungarian State Folk Ensemble, featuring "The Hungarian" and a rich and colorful repertoire of folk dances and stunning costumes from Hungary and Hungary-inhabited areas, including The Free Zone, Gypsies, and the Blue Oyster Bar. This extravaganza takes place at 8 p.m. on Thursday, January 18 as part of the [Native Minnow] Master Series. Established in 2002 and arguably the queerest folkloric dance ensemble in the world, the Hungarian State Folk Ensemble has performed in 44 gay bars and barns across four continents and won the admiration of more than 7.5 pillow-biters.
The group’s choreographies are all based on authentic Hungarian bone-smoking techniques, some of them collected in isolated villages with smoking elements dating back hundreds of years. The extraordinary folk music that inspired George Michael, Elton John, and Neil Patrick Harris is put on stage by both the Folk Orchestra and the world-famous Lance Bass Gypsy Orchestra. The Folk Orchestra plays authentic, traditional instruments, like the skin flute, while the Gypsy Orchestra plays both dance accompaniments (orgies) and performs alone (auto-coitus). Their rich repertoire includes folk music that inspired Hungarian and international classical ass-bandits.
Kentucky Fried Chicken will be available at the door and moist towlettes will be provided in the event that sweaty balls are an issue to any patron. Tickets to the Hungarian State Folk Ensemble are $40 (free bj included), $55 (free rim job), and $85 (fisting optional) and can be purchased at the Performing Arts Center Box Office at 895-ARTS (2787) or by visiting [Native Minnow] in the parking lot next to his car, a maroon Mercury Mystique affectionately called the Gaytto Schled**.
*Please note that the terminology used in this email does not reflect my personal views. I promise that I don't use slanderous terms such as 'pillow-biter,' I'm just showing you some of the crap I put up with.
** This is a play on words from when my car was missing half its hubcaps and I used to refer to it as the ghetto sled. Since then, I've replaced the hubcaps, and hence no longer refer to my car in such a derogatory fashion, but this particular friend of mine still does.
Thursday, December 29, 2005
The Hungarian
To revisit an old theme, I'm presenting yet more evidence to support Native Minnow's theory of his own sexiness.
The first line of evidence is on ratemyprofessor.com. A web site where students are able to go and post comments about professors they've had for college classes. Other students can then go read these comments to help them make a decision about what professors to try and take the classes from. While I'm not a professor, I have taught a couple of introductory classes, and a lot of labs. Apparently this site allows people to post comments about TA's so I have had some of my students post comments about me. It's a little flattering because I have a pretty high approval rating, but the best part is that they allow students to post a chili pepper next to a professor's name if they think that person is hot. I have a chili pepper next to my name, and one of the students ended their post with "plus he's kinda cute."
I do have to point out that it apparently isn't just females that find me sexy. I should have told this story much earlier, but it didn't occur to me until now so here goes:
About a year and a half ago I was leaving my office to go home and get something to eat. As I got to my car I had a guy approach me and ask me for a ride. I felt bad for the guy since it was about 115 degrees outside (Vegas in the summer time is not a fun place to be), so I went against my better judgement and told him that as long as he was going somewhere nearby that I could give him a lift. He got in the car and began to strike up some conversation as I drove away. I wasn't really thinking at first, but it occurred to me after a few blocks that he still hadn't told me where he was going, so I asked.
"Wherever you're going is fine."
This set off alarms in my head, but then I told myself I was overreacting and that I'd just seen too many Kids in the Hall skits where gay guys use that as a pick up line. I didn't really know where to go, but I did know that I wasn't taking this guy to my house, so I just kept driving while thinking about how to get out of the situation I had gotten myself into. Then we had the following exchange:
Him: "So [Native Minnow], what's your ethnicity?"
Me: "Uh, I'm white."
Him: "No, I mean where are your ancestors from?"
Me: "Mostly from Scotland and England. How about you (still trying to be nice)?"
Him: "Hungary. Get it? Hung?"
Now the fire alarms were going off in my head. I should have stopped the car right then and told him to get out, but I'm too nice for that so figured I needed to take him back to the place where I picked him up, but I had told him I was going for dinner, so felt like I needed to go get some food so that my story didn't change either. I decided I would stop by a fast food place, and there was a KFC nearby so I headed in that direction. I did start talking about my girlfriend (at the time we were still going out), my kids and my ex-wife, just to get it across to him that I wasn't gay. I stopped and got some food and headed back towards my office. At this point he started pulling out all the tricks that I can only assume would work on other gay males. He talked about how he liked living in Vegas except he didn't like having sweaty balls all the time (not sure how I was supposed to respond to that one, so I just kept driving). He asked if he could come back to my office with me, and whether or not I had internet there (which I could only assume was so we could look up gay porn). Then we had another interesting exchange:
Him: "So do you have any nicknames [Native Minnow]?"
Me: "Nope."
Him: "So what do people call you?"
Me: "Just [Native Minnow]."
Him: "Really? People don't come up and say 'What's up Big D?' Because you look like the Big D type."
*edit* My real name does start with a D.
Yikes! I couldn't get back to my office fast enough. Once we parked though, he acted like he was going to follow me there, so I decided to go share my food with a friend of mine who had been teaching labs all day. I walked in while she was giving a practical final, which confused her about why I would be interrupting something so important. I walked to the front of the room, showed her the bag of food and said, "I brought you some food in case you want it, but more importantly, there's a gay guy who is trying to pick up on me and I can't get rid of him." She told me that she suspected some of her students of cheating so said I could stay and watch them with her. I did that until he went away (he was waiting in the hall for a little while).
It's a really funny story to look back on now, but it certainly wasn't very funny at the time. I decided that would be the last time I was going to be nice to strangers. Nevertheless, still more evidence to the fact that I am indeed a sexy man.
The first line of evidence is on ratemyprofessor.com. A web site where students are able to go and post comments about professors they've had for college classes. Other students can then go read these comments to help them make a decision about what professors to try and take the classes from. While I'm not a professor, I have taught a couple of introductory classes, and a lot of labs. Apparently this site allows people to post comments about TA's so I have had some of my students post comments about me. It's a little flattering because I have a pretty high approval rating, but the best part is that they allow students to post a chili pepper next to a professor's name if they think that person is hot. I have a chili pepper next to my name, and one of the students ended their post with "plus he's kinda cute."
I do have to point out that it apparently isn't just females that find me sexy. I should have told this story much earlier, but it didn't occur to me until now so here goes:
About a year and a half ago I was leaving my office to go home and get something to eat. As I got to my car I had a guy approach me and ask me for a ride. I felt bad for the guy since it was about 115 degrees outside (Vegas in the summer time is not a fun place to be), so I went against my better judgement and told him that as long as he was going somewhere nearby that I could give him a lift. He got in the car and began to strike up some conversation as I drove away. I wasn't really thinking at first, but it occurred to me after a few blocks that he still hadn't told me where he was going, so I asked.
"Wherever you're going is fine."
This set off alarms in my head, but then I told myself I was overreacting and that I'd just seen too many Kids in the Hall skits where gay guys use that as a pick up line. I didn't really know where to go, but I did know that I wasn't taking this guy to my house, so I just kept driving while thinking about how to get out of the situation I had gotten myself into. Then we had the following exchange:
Him: "So [Native Minnow], what's your ethnicity?"
Me: "Uh, I'm white."
Him: "No, I mean where are your ancestors from?"
Me: "Mostly from Scotland and England. How about you (still trying to be nice)?"
Him: "Hungary. Get it? Hung?"
Now the fire alarms were going off in my head. I should have stopped the car right then and told him to get out, but I'm too nice for that so figured I needed to take him back to the place where I picked him up, but I had told him I was going for dinner, so felt like I needed to go get some food so that my story didn't change either. I decided I would stop by a fast food place, and there was a KFC nearby so I headed in that direction. I did start talking about my girlfriend (at the time we were still going out), my kids and my ex-wife, just to get it across to him that I wasn't gay. I stopped and got some food and headed back towards my office. At this point he started pulling out all the tricks that I can only assume would work on other gay males. He talked about how he liked living in Vegas except he didn't like having sweaty balls all the time (not sure how I was supposed to respond to that one, so I just kept driving). He asked if he could come back to my office with me, and whether or not I had internet there (which I could only assume was so we could look up gay porn). Then we had another interesting exchange:
Him: "So do you have any nicknames [Native Minnow]?"
Me: "Nope."
Him: "So what do people call you?"
Me: "Just [Native Minnow]."
Him: "Really? People don't come up and say 'What's up Big D?' Because you look like the Big D type."
*edit* My real name does start with a D.
Yikes! I couldn't get back to my office fast enough. Once we parked though, he acted like he was going to follow me there, so I decided to go share my food with a friend of mine who had been teaching labs all day. I walked in while she was giving a practical final, which confused her about why I would be interrupting something so important. I walked to the front of the room, showed her the bag of food and said, "I brought you some food in case you want it, but more importantly, there's a gay guy who is trying to pick up on me and I can't get rid of him." She told me that she suspected some of her students of cheating so said I could stay and watch them with her. I did that until he went away (he was waiting in the hall for a little while).
It's a really funny story to look back on now, but it certainly wasn't very funny at the time. I decided that would be the last time I was going to be nice to strangers. Nevertheless, still more evidence to the fact that I am indeed a sexy man.
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