You say, I like what you say, I like what you say

I'm taking a page out of the Book of Troll for today's post. I need to poll you guys in order to see what the general consensus is on three very important questions.

1) What is the proper etiquette when you're sitting in a public restroom stall, taking a dump, and someone else walks in?
a) It makes no difference. You go ahead and finish, wipe, and leave the stall to wash your hands.
b) You pause, and wait for them to leave the restroom before dropping the rest of the kids off at the pool.
c) You make as much noise as possible, grunting and farting loudly, in an attempt to scare them off.
d) You finish, and wipe, but wait until they leave before exiting the stall.
e) It depends on how far along you are in the dumpage when they walk in.


2) Is it possible to be Jewish and a Quaker?
a) Yes
b) No
c) It depends


3) Let's say that hypothetically you'd let your laundry pile up long enough that you had no more clean underwear. Do you
a) put off going about your day until you've done some laundry?
b) put on a pair of dirty underwear and go about your day?
c) go commando long enough to run to the store and buy some more underwear?
d) go commando for the entire day, but make sure to do laundry when you get home?
e) go commando for the rest of your life, because who wears underwear anyway?


Your input is greatly appreciated.

C-c-c-c-c-cocaine

Student 1: Can we just play games tonight instead of doing the lab?
Me: What kind of games do you have in mind?
Student 1: Heads-up seven-up.
Me: Wow. It's been a while since I was in Kindergarten. I don't think I remember the rules to that one.
Student 2: How about we play [something I didn't hear correctly]
Me: I'm sorry. What did you say we play?
Student 2: Hooky.
Me: Oh. I think it might be time for me to get my hearing checked.
Student 2: Why? What did you think I said?
Me: I thought you said cocaine. It's good that you didn't. I wouldn't even know how to play that game.
Undergraduate Assistant: Well, we'll need a mirror, and a razor blade, and we're all going to do lines until somebody's heart explodes.


So there you go. That's how you play cocaine. First person to have their heart explode loses.

You say I like what you say, I like what you say

Now it's time for some sage words of wisdom from Native Minnow.

I always say. . .

. . . never miss a good opportunity to shut your mouth. Especially if you're someone who annoys me.

. . . that sometimes it's just easier to go out and buy new socks than it is to do laundry.

. . . it is better to have loved and lost than to live with a lunatic for the rest of your life.

. . . there's no such thing as "too sweet."

. . . nobody likes to be called crazy, especially crazy people.

. . . a cloaca's a cloaca.

. . . of all the places not to be seen, a small penis convention ranks pretty highly.

. . . it's better to go on vacation than on a shooting spree.

. . . a monarchy is always the best form of government, when you're the monarch.

Is this what Deaner was talking about?

I normally have pretty good hearing. In fact, there have been times when I have amazed people by my abilities. For example, a few summers ago a friend and I were on a collecting trip and one night as we sat up talking I told him to be quiet and to go check his mist net because I was pretty sure he'd just caught a bat. We were sitting about 30 meters from the net. He got up, checked the net, and came back with a bat. He asked me how on earth I knew and I told him that I'd heard it fly into the net. For those of you who are unfamiliar with this stuff, a bat flying into a mist net is as quiet as it sounds.

Unfortunately, my ability to hear is limited in some cases. My poor hearing manifests itself most when I'm trying to listen to certain people speak. As this semester began I asked one of my students for her name because it wasn't on my roster.

Her: *muttering something unintelligible*
Me: I'm sorry. I didn't catch that.
Her: *muttering something unintelligible (again!)*
Me (trying not to ask again because I don't want to look like a dumb ass): Ok, I'm not going to be able to spell that, so could I have you write it down for me?

She wrote it down, and then the unintelligible muttering made sense, but not until then.

This inability to hear seems to be a recurring theme for me. For some reason, I have difficulty deciphering words spoken with various accents. The reason for that is probably the fact that I didn't grow up in the world's most culturally diverse place and didn't experience too many accents. Either that, or I'm subconsciously racist. I'm pretty sure it's the former.

For another example, flash back to the same collecting trip mentioned earlier: My friend and I had been out for about a week, and were in desperate need of a shower. We had finished netting bats, and were on the way to my collecting sites to go after fish. We decided it would be a good time to get a motel room since we were just driving and didn't have to be anywhere specific that night. We drove to a motel in a small town. My friend told me to run in and ask how much a room would cost, so I did. There was an older Indian man behind the counter.

Me: How much for a room? There are two of us.
Man: Porty-Pai-o.
Me: I'm sorry?
Man: Porty-Pai-o.
Me: *shaking head* I still didn't get that.
Man: I write it.

He then wrote $45 on a piece of paper.

Enlightened, I returned to the truck.

Friend: How much did he say?
Me: Porty-pai-o
Friend: Huh?
Me: Porty-pai-o
Friend: I don't know what that means.
Me: Apparently it means forty-five.

We decided Porty-pai-o was a fair price.