You know I'd even learn to cut my throat if I thought I could fit in

About a week ago, a friend's brother came to town for the weekend. They spent the first few nights doing some of the more typical "Vegas" things such as cruising around in a limo to see the sights, seeing one of the shows on the strip, etc. By Saturday night they just wanted to take it easy, especially since his brother's flight was early Sunday morning, so they decided on having a little get together at my friend's house that night.

Now, for a completely different subject that ties in later in this paragraph, I have a pair of shorts that I like to wear on days when I'm not planning on seeing anyone. I've had them for a while, and there's an atrocious rip under one of the back pockets, so my ass basically hangs out, but I can't bring myself to throw them away. I had them on that morning because I was supposed to meet my friend and his brother at the pool earlier in the day and figured it wouldn't matter because I would just be changing into my bathing suit then. I thought I would just shower and change between the pool and his house so I could show up looking somewhat presentable. At least that was the plan.

The complicating factor for the day was that I nearly forgot about a meeting I was supposed to go to at noon. I didn't remember about the meeting until after I'd left the house to grab a few things from the office. I went straight to the meeting from the office, even though I was wearing my assless shorts (hey, at least they're not leather chaps). The meeting ran long, so by the time I'd finished there and called my friend, he and his brother were leaving the pool. He told me that the gathering at his house was still on and that I should show up around 7. I told him I would.

Of course, then I decided to do a favor for another friend, then she and I started talking about stuff and next thing I knew it was past time for me to have been at my friend's house. I still hadn't showered or changed clothes, the first of which I was able to take care of at my friend's house before we left (I even used some of her spray on deodorant), but the assless shorts were still on. I decided that it didn't really matter, so we just went to the party. Sure I didn't get there until 2 1/2 hours after I said I would, but that's just how I roll. I'm a lot like Paris Hilton in that respect.

While at the party I made some comment about the huge hole in the back of my shorts. My friend's brother replied, "You know what else is wrong with those shorts? They're denim." Another guy added, "Yeah. That's so 1990's."

I want to make it clear that I only have a few pairs of denim shorts, but not all of them are old and ratty. In fact, I believe I bought a few as recently as last summer. I really didn't know that they were officially "out of style" until that night last week.

Now I know I'm fucking old.

You're perfect yes it's true, but without me you're only you

A few weeks ago I was talking to a girl I know and somehow we got on the subject of her sister. She told me that her sister is a few years older than us, but is absolutely gorgeous.

Me: If your sister's that pretty then hook a guy up. Wait, she's probably married, huh.
Her: She is.
Me: Well, if she's looking to have a mid-life crisis, tell her I'm her guy.
Her: Actually, she might be. I'll let her know.

Since then it's been a running joke between us, and every time we run into each other I ask about her sister.

About a week ago I asked how her sister was doing and she told me that she was meeting up with her "gorgeous" sister later that night. I told her that my offer still stood.

Another guy I know overheard this and said, "You don't have enough lack of moral fiber to be able to pull something like that off."

Damn! He's right. The thing is, I'm not sure whether he meant that as a compliment or an insult.