Leavin' without you, can't say no

About a week and a half ago, The Model who I'm not exactly seeing anymore but not exactly NOT seeing anymore was invited to play a show in LA by a musician friend of hers who has been hanging out with her a lot and helping her with her music.

Without going into too many of the details, after their show on Friday he wanted to get a hotel room with her.  She declined.  Apparently she thought they were only friends, but he thought they were more than that.  When she refused to get a room with him, he freaked out, threw her phone, laptop, and money out the window, and sped through downtown LA, running red lights so she couldn't get out of the car.  He then drove her to Sacramento against her will.  Luckily she was able to get away from him eventually and call the police for help.  I shudder to think of other ways it could have ended.

I found out about it the day after he was arrested when she got computer access and emailed me.  She was online later that night, so I was able to chat with her for a bit:

Me:  I'm so sorry that happened to you.  Anything I can do to help?

Her:  Come get me?  Hold me all the way home?

Me:  If you're serious, I'll do it.  I could leave right now and be there by about seven in the morning if I drove all night.

Her:  I couldn't ask you to do that - drive a thousand miles for me.

Me:  I would.  I wouldn't mind.  I wouldn't even make it awkward or abduct you or anything.

Her:  How is that even funny* right now?







*It was totally funny.

Pretty as a penny, rollerskate skinny

Last week I went to the doctor for a physical. She recommended that I have some blood work done, so I made an appointment later in the week. I had to fast prior to having my blood drawn, so I was quite hungry while teaching the morning of the day I was supposed to go back.

Student: I'm so hungry.

Me: I am too, but you can't talk about food in here right now.

Student: Why not?

Me: Because I can't eat until 4:00 this afternoon.

Student: Why? Are you anorexic?

Me: Do I look anorexic?

Student: You could be just starting out.

Me: Aren't I a little old for that?

Student: It's never too late to start.

Can't you see it's not me you're dying for

I recently went to the Happiest Place On Earth. Inside there was a sign listing their Christmas Day specials. I took a picture so I could post it here, but unfortunately it didn't turn out because it was too dark and the camera on my phone sucks. Instead, you'll just have to settle for the words, without the added artsiness of marker on posterboard.

The Double Down Saloon
Join us for:
Free Haircuts
Free Spaghettios
50¢ Abortions

Christmas Day 11 am - 5 pm


If that's not a random list, I don't know what is.

Telephone call for Mr. Horrible

Me: Did you hear about the shooting over the weekend?
Friend: No.
Me: Well, I guess there were a couple of them, but I'm talking about the one on Friday.
Friend: What happened?
Me: They said on the news that a mom was driving with her 11 and 15 year old kids, and somebody pulled alongside the car and shot her in the head.
Friend: With the kids in the car!?
Me: Yeah. Pretty nuts, huh?
Friend: That's cold.
Me: I know. At least wait until she's dropped the kids off.
Friend: . . .
Me: Or kill the kids too.
Friend: . . .